Thursday, July 17, 2008

Dad's Milestone Of The Day

My 7yo and I just got back from having a slice of pizza for dinner while Mom works late. The place we went is very casual so they had the music cranked up pretty good. A groovy song with a good beat came on and I asked my daughter, who loves to dance, to show me some moves. She wouldn't, so I said, ok, I'll show you some of mine, then proceeded to bust a move (and a ligament, probably) right there in the booth.

She suddenly got this horrified look on her face, one I'd never seen before. She glanced around the restaurant nervously, then fixed her eyes back on me and said, for the first time ever, "You're embarrassing me." Then she ducked down in the booth so no one could see her.

And it begins...

If Mom were here, she'd probably say, "Get used to it, kid."

80s Music Video Of The Day

Hard to believe these guys didn't make it any bigger.


Even if you didn't know this was an 80s video, you could make an informed deduction:

Stupid band name? Check.
Shitty song? Check.
Angrogynous Eurotrash singer with mullet and crappy 80s clothes? Check.
Midget? Check. (And extra points for the jester outfit)
People in chicken masks? Check.
Group finale with fake/forced frivolity? Check.

Motivational Posters Of The Day - Vol. 4

Another batch of fun, this time from Amber.

Vid Of The Day: Candy Sale

I miss these guys.


Retro Vid Of The Day: Soul Train

Check out the threads and the moves in this classic Soul Train clip from Kelly and TheMovieGuru.

Did you know that "Disco Inferno" is like 10 frickin' minutes long? WTF? I was gonna put it on daughter's iPod Shuffle the other day but thought, damn, this will take up half the space on that little thing. I'm sure there's an edited version out there somewhere, but I'm too lazy to look.

Redneck Words Of Wisdom Of The Day

A few entries from, a site that invites readers to submit their favorite redneck sayings.

He'd bitch if you hung him with a new rope.

Just do all you can do and let the rough end drag.

That boy is about as sharp as a cue ball.

You couldn't hit a bull in the butt with a bass fiddle.

I'm bowed up like a Halloween cat.

He's ridin' a gravy train on biscuit wheels.

Madder than a bobcat caught in a piss fire.

He's so stupid, he couldn't find his ass with both hands.

Don't let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya.

That'll go over like a pregnant pole vaulter.

Nuttier than a squirrel turd.

As easy as herding chickens.

Tighter than a skeeter's ass in a nose dive.

I'm so hungry, I'd eat the balls off a low flying duck!

She's wound up tighter than the girdle of a baptist minister's wife at an all-you-can-eat pancake breakfast.

He's as useful as a tit on a boar hog.

Nuttier than a port-a-potty at a peanut festival.

You got to be 10% smarter than the equipment you're runnin'.

Hornier than a two peckered billy goat.

Her ass was so big, it looked like two Buicks fighting for a parking place.

Busier than a cat covering up shit on a concrete floor.

His pants were so tight if he'd a farted it'd blow his boots off.

Heavier than a dead preacher.

She has two speeds. Slow and stop.

That smells like the shithouse door of a shrimp boat.

Duct tape is like The Force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

I'm so hungry, every time I swallow my asshole says thank you.

Well dip my balls in sweet cream and squat me in a kitchen full of kittens.

Busier than a one armed monkey with two peckers.

Her jeans are so tight, you can see the veins in her ass!

That means about as much to me as a strawberry up a bear's butt.

Why don’t you take a flying fuck at a rolling doughnut!

Why fart and waste it when you can burp and taste it?

He has more chins than a Chinese phone book.

That dummy’s always got both ass-cheeks wrapped around his ears!

Busier than a cucumber in a women's prison!

He was drunker than Cooter Brown on the 4th of July.

My sister's soooo ugly, my mom had to be drunk to breastfeed her!

I felt like a monkey trying to do a math problem.

Don’t push it, or I'll slap some schtuff on your head ajax won't take off.

His gal is so fat they hire a rodeo clown to distract her when she’s grocery shopping.

I feel like a bag of smashed assholes.

Smoother then a hairy nipple on wax day.

His family tree looks like a totem pole.


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