Monday, July 7, 2008

Helpful Article Of The Day: How To Vomit Politely

More indispensable advice from the minds at Wikihow and Big Lew.



How to Vomit Politely
from Wikihow.com

Let's say you're on a date, but you have to vomit. It can be gross to watch and unpleasant to do! Here's how to do it politely.

Steps

1. When you have to vomit, say you have to use the restroom, and go vomit in the toilet. Then flush the toilet and wipe your mouth. If there is a water fountain nearby, you would probably want to get a drink.

2. If no restroom is available, ask to be excused. Then, leave to find a bush, tree, rock or anything big that you can hide behind.

3. If you have advance warning, remove your shirt/dress to avoid a vomit spill mark. The embarrassment of being seen without covering is less than having a "vomit vee" down your front.

4. When you are done, wipe your mouth with tissues. If you have none, an UNUSED sanitary pad would work.

5. If you have water, swish some in your mouth then spit it in an inconspicuous place.

6. Try to use a breath mint, because the acid from vomit can reek.

7. If your date asks what happened, say you had to take a moment or make a phone call, then change the subject.

Tips

* Try to carry tissues in your purse to wipe your mouth if you have to.

* If vomit gets on your shirt it can be gross, so LEAN OVER FAR when vomiting.

* If you lean too far, vomit can exit from your nose.

* Put your hair up or have a friend hold it back.

* If you feel you are going to vomit at that SPLIT second while talking to someone, just run out of the room, then make up an excuse or come clean and tell them.

* Tell the person you're with that you need to vomit. Even though it is embarrassing and gross, it's not nearly as bad as vomiting on your friends.

Warnings

* Try not to vomit in a sink. It might clog it.

* If you find yourself vomiting on a regular basis, you have health issues that need medical attention. It is possible you suffer from an eating disorder that deserves prompt medical attention.

Things You'll Need

* water

* tissues

* breath mints


The 15 Best Duos Of All Time

From New York magazine. They write:


Who are the best buddies of all time — in movies, literature, TV, and music?

We set out a few ground rules in making this list. To start with, no sidekicks allowed! Our buddies must be on an equal footing; so long Robin and DJ Jazzy Jeff. Romance is completely off the table, so off went Mulder and Scully, Fred and Ginger, and Ennis and Jack. And finally, the buddies must stand alone, not as part of some larger group of near-equal importance; adios to the Friends, the Flintstones, John and Paul.

The list:


Laverne and Shirley
(in "Laverne & Shirley," 1976–1983)

Why them? The chemistry between these Milwaukee brewery slaves — stick-in-the-mud Laverne and the flightier, prudish Shirley — elicited enough material to give L&S five good seasons (and only three crappy ones) and make it the best of Happy Days’ three spinoffs.

Signature moment: "Schlemiel! Schlemazl! Hasenpfeffer Incorporated!"


Mike Nichols and Elaine May
(in their stand-up and improvisational comedy career, 1955–1961)

Why them? You can trace back most threads in contemporary comedy to the groundbreaking work done by Nichols and May, first at the Compass Theater in Chicago, and later around the country, on Broadway, and on a Grammy-winning comedy album. Ruthlessly honest and ironic, the pair used impeccable comic timing to pack every routine with tiny explosions of subversive hilarity, Nichols usually playing straight man to the flamboyant May.


Calvin and Hobbes
(in "Calvin and Hobbes" comic strip, 1985–1995)

Why them? Six-year-old Calvin, hero of Bill Watterson's beloved comic strip, was once described by his creator as having "not much of a filter between his brain and his mouth." But Hobbes, the anthropomorphic tiger who's his best friend, serves as counterpoint to Calvin's impulsiveness and conscience to his occasional cruelty. Hobbes is no sidekick; without him, there'd be no strip at all.

Signature moment: In Watterson's final strip, Calvin and Hobbes explore a fresh snowfall. "It's a magical world, ol' buddy," Calvin says to his friend as they leap on a sled. "Let's go exploring!"


Riggs and Murtaugh
(in Lethal Weapon, 1987)

Why them? Because among all the buddy action comedies that flooded theaters in the late eighties, Lethal Weapon was the smartest, the funniest, and the craziest. And the love-hate relationship between family man Murtaugh (Danny Glover) and loose cannon Riggs (Mel Gibson) — with Murtaugh teaching Riggs how to be a cop, and Riggs teaching Murtaugh how to be a killer — was snappy and surprisingly affecting, at least before three half-assed sequels spoiled it all.

Signature moment:
Murtaugh: See how easy that was? Boom, still alive. Now we question him. You know why we question him? Because I got him in the leg. I didn't shoot him full of holes or try to jump off a building with him.
Riggs: Hey, that's no fair. The building guy lived.


Andre 3000 and Big Boi
(on Outkast's Stankonia album, 2001)

Why them? Stankonia represents the Atlanta hip-hop duo's creative peak, a unified album that plays the pair's best qualities off each other perfectly, mixing Andre's wide-eyed absurdism with Big Boi's sturdier, hitmaking reliability. When the pair went their separate ways on 2003’s Speakerboxxx/The Love Below, it was quickly obvious that, without each other, Big Boi's just a good rapper and Andre’s just a Prince fan in a silly outfit.

Signature moment: The dizzying “Bombs Over Baghdad.”


Bert and Ernie
(on "Sesame Street," 1969–present)

Why them? Buddies, roommates, longtime companions: Whatever you want to call them, these two mismatched Muppets share the longest-lasting friendship on TV today. Fastidious, uptight Bert is driven crazy daily by Ernie’s cockamamy schemes; together, they’ve taught kids about compromise and comedy for almost 40 years.

Signature moment: “Bert, are you awake?” Ernie asks in the middle of the night. He can’t sleep, and much to his nightcap-clad roomie's annoyance, Ernie wants to count sheep, or sing a song, or play his drums. Soon Ernie is snoring happily while a distracted Bert sits up in his bed, diverted from sleep by his pal. This has happened 6,000 times.


Thelma and Louise
(in Thelma & Louise, 1991)

Why them? Because in Ridley Scott and Callie Khouri’s road movie, Thelma (Geena Davis) and Louise (Susan Sarandon) upend the familiar tropes of the buddy flick to tell a story of female empowerment that’s still fresh and surprising fifteen years later. Thelma’s goofy innocence and Louise’s hard-bitten wisdom combine in a flash to transform two lonely women into a raging force of nature.

Signature moment: After convincing a filthy-minded trucker to pull over, the two outlaws tell him off, pull out big-ass guns, and blow his rig sky-high.


Frodo and Sam
(in The Lord of the Rings; books, 1954–1955; movies, 2001–2003)

Why them? Scoff if you must at the hairy feet, the twee trappings, or the lingering looks that spawned a universe of hobbit slash. In J.R.R. Tolkein’s fantasy trilogy — and in Peter Jackson’s movies — Frodo and Sam’s is the epitome of a rich fictional friendship. We laugh with them, fear for them, and weep when they’re driven apart. Sam may start the trilogy as a sidekick, but he ends it a hero — and, surely, Frodo’s equal.

Signature moment: An exhausted Sam heaves an overcome Frodo onto his back for the last brutal steps up the face of Mount Doom.


Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid
(in Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, 1969)

Why them? Widely credited with the invention of the buddy movie, Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid set the standard of which all others will fall short into perpetuity. Paul Newman’s Butch, the brainy bank robber, and Robert Redford’s Sundance, the trigger-happier of the pair, play off one another with such dexterous comic brio, it’s like watching a charisma tornado blow through the American West.

Signature moment: Holed up with an army outside, Butch and Sundance talk about the Australia they'll never see. "Well, I just don't wanna get there and find out it stinks!" insists Sundance. Then they go out in a blaze of glory.

For the rest, see the full article at New York magazine.

Movie Trailer Of The Day

Speaking of Patrick Swayze, here's the trailer for his finest film. Friends -- it don't get no better'n this.



Classic SNL Clip Of The Day: Chippendales

I still laugh.

News Story Of The Day: Camel Toe

From Today.az and Amy The Mom, who says, "It's like an article from The Onion, only funnier, since it's apparently real -- and with worse grammar and LOTS more commas."


English Pub "Camel Toe" Functioning In Baku Center


Azerbaijan is among the most tolerant countries of the world.

This has been repeatedly stated even on state level. Our country serves as an example for other CIS states.

However, foreign citizens, residing in our country, should not abuse this tolerance.

We will present a little example, which reflects disrespect of British citizens towards the local population. It should noted that we do not try to wage international enmity, we are just presenting a fact.

A pub named Camel's toe which initially seems to mean what it means -"A toe of a camel" functions in the very center of Baku, several meters away from the passage, at 22. Mamedaliyev street.

But, in fact the name has a double meaning. The Camel's Toe has a meaning "the clear visible presence of a woman's vulva as a consequence of wearing overly tight pants" (Wikipedia).

A question comes to mind: was it named so on purpose? And what does the logotype of the pub, which locates in one of the most popular streets of Baku, mean? (see the photo below).

By information, our news agency received, prostitutes are working at some pubs, providing services to foreign "fat cats" for at least $500. "Ladies" do not want the local population to see them, therefore, such establishments are usually private and local residents are not allowed in.

In order to get answers to our questions, we directed to this pub and learned the following.

We were first not allowed to the pub, as we were apparently differing from the British citizens. We noticed that almost all tables were empty in the pub.

But when the girl at the entrance heard pure "Russian speech", they decided to allow us in.

It should be noted that we did not notice any prostitute in the pub. Yet there were several curious moments. The walls of the pub were decorated with different flags including the flags of Scotland, England, Great Britain and Russia. All, except Azerbaijan. The said fact proves the direct violation of the law "On rules of use of flags of other countries and international organization in the territory of Azerbaijan."

Perhaps, the pubs owners have no idea of the law. But the fact that the pub does not bear the flag of the country, it functions in, says that the bar owners do not respect the attributes of Azerbaijan.


The girl at the bar said the pub was named on purpose. "Every client understands it as he wills..." She refused to translate our questions to the bar owner saying that the latter is aware of the name.

Well, we would not make any conclusions. But several questions arise unwittingly.

Why did they name the pub like that? Could they not understand that this may arise protest among the local population? Perhaps, the British citizens wanted to introduce European culture in Azerbaijan, forgetting about the local mentality?

Perhaps, they wanted to mock at Azerbaijanis, who are not aware of such details of British slang? Or perhaps they bound the slang name of the pub with Azerbaijani ladies, visiting it?

We hope that the pub owners will answer the questions of the due structures.

At the same time, we would remind that face control is applied at some foreign pubs of Baku, in the result of which most citizens of Azerbaijan are not able to enter this or that establishment. It is up to our readers to decide whether it is fair or not.




Really Awful Dancers Of The Day

They're busting something, but it's not a move. All dudes, of course.

Not that I could do any better, mind you.



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