Friday, June 27, 2008

Unappealing Porno Movie Titles Of The Day

Feeling horny? I can fix that. Wait.. that came out wrong.

From Cracked.com, sort of. I made some changes to their list.

Not safe for all workplaces, so proceed at your own risk.

There's A Black Man In My Wife's Ass

She just ate a full rack of ribs, so he might want to get the F out of there

Strap-On Midget

I hope she carries a step-stool with her. Nobody likes their knees humped.

Razor Burn

Don't forget your beard, big fella. Boobs or not -- that's a dude.

Edward Penishands

Giving someone the finger takes on a whole new meaning

European ATM

Which means "you're a peein'" down my chin? No thanks.

Asphyxiation Foot Fuckers

Hmm, that's a tough choice, but I'll go with the asphyxiation. I'm kinda funny about my feet.

Girth, Wind & Fire #2

Girth I get, but I don't wanna know about the wind and fire.

My Granny Is A Tranny: Cocks In Frocks 15

15?! There's 15 of these?

Blow It Out Your Ass

You better warn that black guy in there

Itsy Bitsy Bang Bang #3

Starring Dyke Van Dick

Braces

Ouch

Damn...She Thick! 3

Damn...she gonna knock you upside the head if she hears you say that

Dirt Pipe Milkshakes

No thanks, I'm ass-tose intolerant.

Don't Tell Mommy!

Don't tell Mommy? No, don't say "mommy" -- ever -- when you're talking about porn.

30 Days In The Hole

Please tell me we get to pick which one.

Anal Chiropractor

Don't mind if I do

Big Tit Smotherfuckers

Again with the death. Can't a guy get laid without dying?

Vid Of The Day: Rock 'n Roll Forever

Yuks from the wild woman up on the mountain, Reenie.

video

Top 25 Guilty Pleasure Bands Of The Day

From Rolling Stone. Guilty as charged; I own CDs from 12 of the 25 acts here. But then, I don't agree with all these picks. I don't think you can really put bands like E.L.O. or Chicago in the same list as New Edition or Wham.

1. Rush
2. E.L.O.
3. Journey
4. ABBA
5. Chicago
6. Boston
7. Foreigner
8. Bread
9. Bon Jovi
10. New Edition
11. The Monkees
12. Motley Crue
13. Styx
14. Eddie Money
15. Simply Red
16. Kelly Clarkson
17. America
18. Wham
19. REO Speedwagon
20. Poison
21. Lionel Richie
22. Kansas
23. Air Supply
24. Hall & Oates
25. Britney Spears

What about Kenny Loggins? Toto? The Backstreet Boys? Guns 'n Roses? Crash Test Dummies? Hell, even the Stones are guilty pleasures by now, they're so damn old.

Classy Broad Of The Day

Live from Talladega, my friends. And you thought Talladega Nights was a spoof.

As Jeff Foxworthy says, she's the kinda woman who could tell the state trooper to kiss her ass without taking the cig from her lips.

Classic Clip Of The Day: Bellringer

It's been around awhile, but I still laugh. From Nikki.

video

Huh, I didn't know Dave Grohl went to Texas Tech.

Trailer Of The Day: Step Brothers

For Steve Hatchett, who loves Will Ferrell.

8 Movie Characters Who Deserve A Beating

From Maxim.com


Kevin Bacon, Footloose

Okay, Ren, kudos for cranking Quiet Riot in that lady-killer VW, but bringing dancing to a small town is just corny… And so is dissin´ John Lithgow


Vanilla Ice, Cool As Ice

This laughable Hammer-lite was one thing, but for two hours as a leading man? We´d prefer Urkel: The Movie.


Hayden Christensen, Star Wars: Episode II—Attack of the Clones

Wasn't there anybody who could've beefed pouty-faced Christensen up by shouting, "Dude, you're playing Darth Fucking Vader for Christ's sake, enough with the bratty douche baggery!"


Patrick Swayze, Dirty Dancing

"Nobody puts baby in a corner?" Get serious. Jerry Orbach could still kick Swayze's ass, and he's been dead for years. (Except now Swayze is ill, so I guess this isn't as funny as it might have been a month ago.)


Jim Carrey, Batman Forever

Frank Gorshin, TV's Riddler, reportedly died of natural causes; we say check his VCR for this movie and his medicine cabinet for an empty vial of sleeping pills.


John Travolta, Grease

Let us get this straight: You´re embarrassed to be seen with an Aussie hottie but not Putzie?


Billy Crystal, Father's Day

Another groan-inducing, over-the-top, ham-on-rye performance from the King of Schmaltz that led to refund demands across the country.


Robin Williams, Father's Day

See previous.

And some bonus candidates from me...


Robin Williams, Patch Adams

No, I didn't see it, but anybody who dresses up as a clown needs his ass kicked.


Melman (David Schwimmer), Madagascar

When they run out of food on that island, he needs to be the first one eaten.


Leonardo DiCaprio, Titanic

He works the "poor street urchin" angle to bone another dude's woman. I'd want to shoot him, too. Psst, Leo: your drawrings suck, dude.


Stephen Root, Office Space

What is it with you and that goddamn stapler?


Steve Buscemi, Fargo

Gaear Grimsrud beat me to it, and did a better job.


Ben Stiller in anything

Grow a pair, you whiny little bitch.

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