Tuesday, June 3, 2008

21 Misheard Lyrics Of The Day

When I was a kid, my dad was a TV and appliance salesman. His territory was a large area of west Georgia, so, like most salesmen, he spent a lot of time in his car. He always complained about not being able to pick up any decent radio stations when he was on the road, so he got the idea to tape the local top 40 radio station in the town where we lived (Griffin) so he'd have something to listen to while he drove.

After a while, he accumulated so many tapes that one day when I was 7 or 8, he offered to pay me and my sister a quarter each to go through them and list the songs on the little label card that came with cassettes. We, of course, jumped at the chance to be paid to listen to music. Not wanting to get yelled at for doing it wrong, though, we asked him what to do if we didn't know the titles to the songs.

"Just guess," he said. Ok.

A couple of days later he came home from work yelling at me about one of my labels. He'd taken some clients to lunch in his car -- an older couple who owned a tiny small-town TV shop -- and was showing off his kid-labeled cassettes. While reading one of my song lists, the woman suddenly became flustered, turned bright red and quickly changed the subject as she shoved the tape back into the glove box.

He couldn't figure out what was wrong until later, when he looked at the tape. One of the songs on that particular tape was "Smoke On The Water." I couldn't figure out what they were singing, so I just guessed.

I listed it as "Slow Coming Woman."

Anyhoo... here are some selections from The Archive Of Misheard Lyrics (KissThisGuy.com), a site that invites readers to send in their misheard lyrics and any amusing details about the error. The URL is based on the frequently misheard lyrics of Jimi Hendrix's Purple Haze: "'scuse me, while I kiss the sky."

Here are 21 of my favorites. The site has hundreds more, so check it out.


Song: Addicted To Love by Robert Palmer
Misheard Lyric: Might as well face it, you're a dick with a glove
Correct Lyric: Might as well face it, you're addicted to love
Story: I thought that it was a song about Michael Jackson and I asked a friend if he had heard this song. He had me recite the lyrics. He laughed at me for days.

Song: Centerfold by J Geils Band
Misheard Lyric: My anus is the center hole
Correct Lyric: My angel is a centerfold
Story: Actually, I read this misheard lyric in a magazine while on lunch break one day. I showed it to a co-worker and we laughed so hard that he started crying and I fell out of my chair and almost pissed myself. I just want to know how many holes this person has.

Song: Losing My Religion by R.E.M.
Misheard Lyric: Let's pee in the corner, let's pee in the spotlight...
Correct Lyric: That's me in the corner, that's me in the spotlight...

Song: Bohemian Rhapsody
Misheard Lyric: The algebra has a devil for a sidekick, heeeee...
Correct Lyric: Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me...
Story: Singing at the top of my lungs (off key & voice cracking) into my boyfriend's ear. When he recovered from his attack of hysteria, he told me the real words. Think I had a problem with math? I still sing this version.

Song: Summer Of '69 by Bryan Adams
Misheard Lyric: Got my first real sex dream, I was five at the time, played it till my fingers bled, was the summer of '69
Correct Lyric: Got my first real six-string, bought it at the five-and-dime, played it till my fingers bled, was the summer of '69
Story: I think this version is much more interesting.

Song: Smells Like Teen Spirit by Nirvana
Misheard Lyric: Here we are now, in containers...
Correct Lyric: Here we are now, entertain us...

Song: Blinded By The Light by Manfred Mann (originally by Bruce Springsteen)
Misheard Lyric: Wrapped up like a douche, another rumor in the night
Correct Lyric: Revved up like a deuce, another runner in the night
Story: I kept thinking to myself....what the hell does a douche have to do with rumors??? I asked a friend and she laughed so hard she turned purple.

Song: Livin' On A Prayer by Bon Jovi
Misheard Lyric: You got to hold on to what you got, it doesn't make a difference if we're naked or not
Correct Lyric: You got to hold on to what you got, it doesn't make a difference if we make it or not

Song: Gettin' Jiggy With It by Will Smith
Misheard Lyric: Kick a chicken with it
Correct Lyric: Gettin' jiggy with it
Story: My cousin heard me singing it and died laughing, then she clued me in to my dismay, all that time I thought I had the words right but didn't understand the meaning, like it was a slang meaning. Boy did I feel stupid.

Song: Blowin' In The Wind by Bob Dylan
Misheard Lyric: The ants are my friends, they're blowin' in the wind, the ants are a-blowin' in the wind
Correct Lyric: The answer, my friends, is blowin' in the wind, the answer is blowin' in the wind

Song: Mysterious Ways by U2
Misheard Lyric: Shamu, the mysterious whale
Correct Lyric: She moves in mysterious ways


Song: Ghostbusters by Ray Parker, Jr.
Misheard Lyric: Who ya gonna call? Those bastards!
Correct Lyric: Who ya gonna call? Ghostbusters!
Story: It was my dad, actually. He phoned a radio station to complain that they were playing this!

Song: Take Me Home, Country Roads by John Denver
Misheard Lyric: West Virginia, mount yer momma
Correct Lyric: West Virginia, mountain momma
Story: I Heard the remix for 2 weeks on holiday, and decided to sing it at Karaokee in our hotel. Unfortunately this was a family event, the mike was cut, and I was informed that this kind of behaviour would not be tolerated.

Song: Addicted To Love by Robert Palmer
Misheard Lyric: Might as well face it, you're a dickhead in love
Correct Lyric: Might as well face it, you're addicted to love

Song: Desperado by The Eagles
Misheard Lyric: You've been downright offensive for so long now
Correct Lyric: You've been out riding fences for so long now
Story: It was actually my wife who was singing it and I've made her life misery ever since, which is easily 20 years ago.

Song: Closer by Nine Inch Nails
Misheard Lyric: I want a duck shaped like a triangle, you give a toaster to Bob
Correct Lyric: I want to fuck you like an animal, you get me closer to God
Story: I can't take credit for this moment of stupefying adolescent brilliance: it was the responsiblity of a long-lost friend at a summer camp. I think his rendition says much about the atmosphere of "alternative" rock in the mid-'90s, or something.

Song: We Build This City by Starship
Misheard Lyric: We built this city on the wrong damn road
Correct Lyric: We built this city on rock and roll
Story: This is what my friend Rachel thought it said

Song: My Hero by Foo Fighters
Misheard Lyric: There goes my hero, he's old and hairy
Correct Lyric: There goes my hero, he's ordinary
Story: This one comes courtesy of my grandma. Bless her, she's a little deaf.

Song: Can't Stop by Red Hot Chili Peppers
Misheard Lyric: Can't stop the ferrets when they need food
Correct Lyric: Can't stop the spirits when they need you
Story: i was singing it pretty loud at a party and its safe to say im still trying to live it down

Song: Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap by AC/DC
Misheard Lyric: Dirty deeds and they're done with sheep
Correct Lyric: Dirty deeds and they're done dirt cheap

Song: Like A Virgin by Madonna
Misheard Lyric: Like a virgin, touched for the thirty-first time
Correct Lyric: Like a virgin, touched for the very first time

Song: Michelle by The Beatles
Misheard Lyric: Michelle, Ma Bell, some say monkeys play piano well, play piano well
Correct Lyric: Michelle ma belle, sont des mots qui vont très bien ensemble, très bien ensemble.
Story: My sister and I were somberly singing along at the top of our lungs when my mom cracked up. Never occurred to us that it was another language.

Vids Of The Day: Two Cars I Want

I got your road rage right here.

video


video
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12 Most Dangerous Airports In America

From Forbes.com. Even more reasons not to fly.

ATL didn't make the list, but it's easily the most dangerous airport inside the terminal, where, for every half hour you spend there, you'll want to kill an average of 11 people. The average was only 8 before Lola came through here earlier in the year.


Forbes editors examined five years of post-9/11 FAA data involving 452 airports with control towers reporting incidents. Excluded were non-commercial flights, single-engine craft and cargo flights. Each airport was ranked by the total number of incidents. More serious accidents involving deaths or injury were given more weight. An overall score was derived and then adjusted to account for an airport's traffic levels.


1. North Las Vegas

(63 incidents, five serious)
Reliever airport that suffers from congestion, traffic growth in Las Vegas


2. Charlotte Douglas International
(15 incidents, one serious)
Ordinarily a safe airport, in 2003 an Air Midwest aircraft crashed shortly after takeoff, killing all 19 passengers and two crew members.


3. Long Beach, California
(78 incidents, none serious)
Not designed to handle current traffic loads. Complicated runway network.


4. Phoenix Sky Harbor International
(49 incidents, three serious)
New buildings and ongoing construction interfere with control towers' ability to visually track aircraft.


5. Los Angeles International
(95 incidents, eight serious)
Tightly packed grid forces all arriving aircraft to cross runways used for takeoff.


6. Boston-Logan International
(53 incidents, two serious)
Difficult to navigate. Pilots say the ground radar system works poorly in inclement weather. Fog, rain, low visibility are often the rule.


7. Newark International

(36 incidents, three serious)
Congested international gateway. Poorly marked taxiways. Gate space tight, difficult to navigate.


8. Chicago-O’Hare International
(68 incidents, eight serious)
Major hub. Extremely congested. Terrible weather. Airport accounts for one-sixth of all delays nationally.


9. Philadelphia International
(36 incidents, two serious)
Modern airport with outdated runway surveillance. High number of incidents for airport size


10. Daytona Beach
(15 incidents, four serious)
Crowded leisure travel airspace, nearby student flight school adds to incursion risk.


11. Chicago Midway International
(14 incidents, one serious)
Short runways bordered by nearby residential neighborhood require steep ascent. Airport suffers bad winter weather, low cloud ceiling.


12. Fort Lauderdale/Hollywood International
(14 incidents, four serious)
Major destination for snowbird traffic from the Northeast and Midwest. Finished worse than much busier Miami International.

May Mugshot Roundup

Another month of felonious fartknockers.




























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