Friday, May 16, 2008
I. Hate. Flying.
Not because I'm a nervous flyer; because it annoys the everloving shit out of me.
Every time I fly, the lines are longer, the seats are smaller, the flight attendants are surlier, and I end up right behind Rip Van Winkle, who leans his seat back into my lap the entire flight, or right next to the fat guy who won't stop farting or the old lady whose breath smells like she just ate a turd burrito, or right in front of the ADHD toddler with steel-toe boots who won't stop kicking my goddamned seat.
But enough about me. Let's talk about Amber. She wants to hear about your most memorable flying experience, and so do I. Here's hers:
On a flight from Atlanta to Miami, we had this kooky, little old German couple behind us. They were actually pretty entertaining.
The husband, I have no idea what he was so angry about but he would alternate cussing between German and English – at least I assume he was cussing in German, then it would be followed by at least five “fucks” in a row, interspersed with a sporadic “shit.” So I’m amused, but I am also intrigued, WTH is this guy so pissed about it?
So naturally I turned around and looked. He was like a deer in headlights, and I obviously affronted him with my eye contact as he called the flight attendant over and started whispering furiously. I couldn’t pick up what he said over engine noise, but I got the gist of it with the frantic finger pointing in my direction. The flight attendant calmed him and went on her way without a word to me. Clearly this is unacceptable, as the man and his wife are now pissed off at the flight attendant too.
But they quiet down, and I’m wanting to doze so I recline my seat those 2 inches back for maximum comfort, what I didn’t realize is the wife had her tray table down, when I caught this I immediately apologized. I’m pretty tall so if someone reclines and I have the table down then it gets shoved back up a couple inches and I have to make a grab for and drinks sitting on it, she was short so it didn’t bug her, but my apology sure did. I mean you would have thought I said “your mother screws goats” by the reaction I got. They braced themselves in their seats, and stared at me wild eyed and offended.
So for the rest of the flight when dude started to get rowdy again I’d just peek over the seat and send him into a further state of paranoia.
Pretty fun…for me.