Today's Guest List is from the inimitable Princess Pi, who works in the wild n' wacky field of reproductive medicine. I'll hand the mic over to her now...
Stupid reproductive medicine questions
The patients aren't stupid, but the questions most definitely are. Anyone who said “There’s no such thing as stupid questions” was stupid themselves, and was probably just repeating what their mama always said to them whilst growing up so they wouldn’t feel as stupid as they actually were.
1. Do I have to hold my breath during my entire ultrasound appointment?
This particular ultrasound appointment was for a DUS -- Penile Doppler Ultrasound -- and lasts for 30 minutes.
2. Is it possible that my saliva killed my husband’s sperm?
3. Conversation between me and a patient:
Me: Prior to coming in for your semen analysis test, you need to abstain from ejaculation for at least two days, but no more than four days.
Patient: But how am I supposed to do that? I haven’t ejaculated in two weeks, and my wife’s not with me.
Me: Then you can masturbate.
Patient: Masturbate? How do I do that? I’ve never done that before.
No, unfortunately, he wasn’t kidding.
4. Where’s the VIP waiting room?
5. This isn’t a question, but it is pretty frickin’ stupid. A patient called and said he was experiencing pain. He was asked to describe the pain.
Patient: "Well, it starts like a circle, then turns into a square, and then...it's a porkchop."
Pause.
Medical staff: "It's shaped like a porkchop?"
Patient: "No, it's a porkchop."
6. Is it possible to extract sperm from someone who’s been deceased for one week if he hasn’t been buried yet and has been kept in a refrigerator?
A question from an attorney in London.
Nothing Left To Say
3 hours ago
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