Monday, April 28, 2008

Catch Of The Day

Single ladies... here's a guy who definitely want to check out. Or so says my buddy, Steve Hatchett. From Creative Loafing Media.


Atlanta's 11 Least Influential People

#5. JOHN FITZGERALD PAGE

John Fitzgerald Page is proud of his accomplishments. In fact, he's a walking résumé.

He's a financial consultant who models and acts on the side. According to his website, he's had small parts in more than 20 movies, TV shows and commercials. His credits include playing "Dr. Frank Doyle" in Diary of a Mad Black Woman to being the "waterpark frolicker" in a Holiday Inn ad.

Page is extremely image-conscious, which is why the events of the last month have vexed him so. A spurned woman named Jen used the blogosphere to turn his pride against him – in a big way.

Call it cyber-jujitsu.

Here's what happened. Jen "winked" at Page's profile last month on the online dating service Match.com. The wink consisted of an electronic notice to Page telling him she was interested in corresponding further.

Page responded by trying to impress her with a list of accomplishments. "They're looking for a six-foot guy who makes a hundred grand a year," he explains.

Page didn't send a W-2, but he did tout his snazzy home (in a Buckhead high-rise), his snazzy education (Ivy League), his snazzy physique ("I work out 4 times a week at LA Fitness"), and his snazzy job ("mergers & acquisitions" for a Fortune 500 retailer).

He also asked her to send him photos showing more of her body. "The problem was [her profile] has six pictures of her head," he says. "If you Internet date, you realize that means she's trying to hide something."

Jen apparently was put off by Page's letter. She sent him a canned response that said they weren't a "personality match."

But instead of moving on, Page made a colossal blunder. He sent her an angry, defensive, sarcastic letter relisting his vital stats – stats that he thinks make her a fool for spurning him: "8.9 on Hot or Not, Ivy League grad, Mensa member, can bench/squat/leg press over 1200 lbs., has had lunch with the secretary of defense, has an MBA from the top school in the country, lives in a Buckhead high-rise, drives a Beemer convertible, has been in 14 major motion pictures, was in Jezebel's Best dressed, etc."

Jen forwarded Page's e-mail to the popular media blog Gawker.com, which published Page's letter and picture, along with mocking links to his website, and dubbed Page a "nightmare online dater," a "douche bag" and the "worst person in the world."

He even got death threats. "I didn't threaten her," he says. "I didn't harass her. I just sent her an e-mail saying basically 'I have these statistics and you can't hang.' They're threatening my life because I blew off a fat chick on the Internet."

He says his reputation is ruined, and there's nothing he can do about it. It's one person versus hundreds of thousands of people on the Internet.

"I'm now tainted goods," he says. "Even my friends are doubting me."

But he's clearly reeling. During our conversations, he asked repeatedly, "Do I seem like the worst person in the world?"

Back to Atlanta's 11 Least Influential People




And if you've never seen a talking douchebag, check out his video. The dude has balls, I'll give him that. He won't ever need them again, but he's got 'em.


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Vid Of The Day: Revenge

Sweet. Feel free to mute the godawful music. A little violent, but I don't think you will mind.



I kept waiting for the antlers to join the fun.

News Story Of The Day: Naked Posters Not Working

Wow. Ya know... this explains a lot. From The Onion.

Posters of Naked Women Fail to Draw Real Naked Women to Dorm Room

The Onion

Posters of Naked Women Fail to Draw Real Naked Women to Dorm Room

BRAMP, KS-Freshmen Chad Drubham and Kurt Beem have been unable to lure non-photographic naked women to their room.


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Top 11 Homeless Guy Signs Of The Day

Spinderfella sends pics. Hilarity ensues.


















"For beer/For wine/For whiskey/For hangover"




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Found Pet Poster Of The Day

From Willie.


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From The E.R.: Sex Gone Horribly Wrong

From Cosmopolitan magazine, true stories of sex snafus that sent people to the emergency room, from medical staff who treated them.

GO FISH
"A man explained that his girlfriend had tried to take his temperature rectally and 'lost' the thermometer. I could actually see the glass tip poking out of his rear end, so I got a padded clamp and gently began pulling. It was a thermometer all right, but one for a fish tank -- more than a foot long!"

HEART-STOPPING SEX
"I'll never forget the time an ambulance brought in a young slacker guy and his girlfriend. They had decided to get it on in his grandmother's basement while she was out of the house. They'd grabbed a tube of what they thought was lubricant from her well-stocked medicine cabinet. Unfortunately, it was nitroglycerin paste, a heart drug that can cause a potentially fatal drop in blood pressure. When Grandma came home, she found the couple lying on top of each other, unconscious and buck naked. They eventually came to after we gave them oxygen and fluids."

SPONGE-BATH SLIP UP
"When I was just starting out as a nurse, I had to give a sponge bath to an incredibly hot male patient. I tried to be very professional about it and not embarrass either one of us. But when it was time to wash his back, instead of saying 'Turn over,' I accidentally blurted out 'Move over.' He gave me a huge grin and said, 'I don't know if there's enough room, but I'll try!' "


PLAY BALL
"A young couple came in with this story: During sex, the woman had grabbed a medium-size rubber ball and inserted it into her man's back door. The ball became lodged so high in his rectum, they couldn't get it out... and neither could we! The attending MD paged a surgeon, but while we were waiting for him to arrive, the man began coughing. The ball came flying out of his butt with enough velocity to ping around the room and hit the just arriving surgeon in the head."

STUCK ON YOU
"One night, a gurney rolled in carrying a woman in black lingerie-who happened to be straddling a naked man. They told us that they had been doing a lot of drugs and having wild sex when the woman's vagina cramped up and the guy couldn't pull out. The doctor on duty gave her muscle relaxants, and after several minutes, they were able to separate. Then they were promptly arrested on drug charges."


HOT BEEF INFECTION
"I was assigned to examine a patient with stomach pain. The woman turned out to be my high school classmate, but instead of being happy to see me, she was mortified. She confessed she wasn't suffering from stomach pain but had gotten something 'stuck.' Hours earlier, she'd microwaved a frozen hot dog to use as a sex toy. But heating it had softened the hot dog, and it broke off inside her. I removed it, though I doubt she'll look me in the eye at our next reunion!"

KEYED UP
"A hysterical woman came into the ER. She'd just had a fight with her boyfriend while sitting in his parked car. She said she had gotten so mad at him that she pulled the key out of the ignition and put it in her vagina so he couldn't drive home! Now she couldn't locate the key to get it out. I couldn't find it either, so we concluded that it must have fallen out somewhere near her boyfriend's car."

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