Classic TV Show Open Of The Day

Hmm. A handsome young guy and an old dude in a turtleneck and Farah slacks and jacket set who calls himself a "mentor," traveling the "highways and by(bi?)ways" in a pimped-out RV on a "never-ending quest to develop understanding"? Right. Go ahead and step out of the vehicle, fellas, and keep your hands where I can see 'em.

Because It's Monday...

And because this particular Monday is already chapping my cornhole more than usual, it's time once again for my favorite song.

Click on Babs (yes, it's really her, dealing with a concert heckler) to hear what I'd like to tell just about everyone today.

Rated R for language.

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People I Want To Kill... Of The Day

From Parade magazine, what each of these fuckers made last YEAR. Yes, in one year. I gotta start charging more for my body.*

Miley Cyrus: $18.2 million

Katherine Heigl: $11 million

Jessica Alba: $9 million

Dr. Phil McGraw: $90 million

Steven Spielberg: $110 million

Ryan Seacrest: $12 million

Mariska Hargitay: $7 million

Trouble (Leona Helmsley’s dog): $12 million (all my dogs make are big piles of steaming dung, which I inadvertently track into the house, which earns me a smack upside the head from the wife and a directive to "sweep that shit up!")

Tiger Woods: $115 million

Jeff Foxworthy: $10 million

Oprah Winfrey: $260 million

Mary-Kate Olsen: $17 million

Gisele Bundchen: $33 million

Scarlett Johansson: $5 million

Eli Manning: $11.5 million

50 Cent: $33 million

Carrie Underwood: $7 million



(* selling my organs)

Classic Vid Of The Day: The Fruitcake Lady

There isn't much on Jay Leno's show that makes me laugh, but I love this old gal because she reminds me of my own sassy grandmother. Example:

Grandma: (mentions something about Hell)

My sister: I don't believe in Hell.

Grandma: You'll believe it when the flames are lickin' at your feet!

Thanks, Harmony, for another great vid.



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My Makeovers Of The Day

I found this page on InStyle.com where you can see how you'd look with different celeb hairstyles, so I thought I'd try some out.

Which one do you like best? A hard choice, I realize. I look pretty damn hot in all of them.


Angelina Jolie


Gwen Stefani


Julia Roberts


Patricia Arquette


Christina Ricci


Beyonce'


J Lo


Corinne Bailey Rae


Gwen Stefani


Katie Holmes


Mandy Moore


Cameron Diaz


America Ferrara


Ellen Pompeo



Ashlee Simpson