Friday, April 4, 2008

Google Search Terms That Bring You Here

A sampling of terms that people have Googled and ended up here. In most cases you can see how a search would return LOTD in the results, but some are head-scratchers. I read this list and think, damn, I gotta clean up this place.

All typos left intact.

"blood hunter" nude
white fondant with blue flowers wedding cake
jessica canseco
jfk assassination
"roller rink music"
tv moms nude
senior people fun meeting photos
sexy couple
gay starsky and hutch
shark new smyrna beach
the sexiest weman on tv
preppy villain
barris museum
charlie bit my finger
school pictures of people
beaver breath
pictures of world war two invasion of the germans
shirts that say funny stuff for kids
starland vocal band
brady bunch
jonathon brandeis suicide
scared of santa
fake shaves lynda carter
bull shark attacking person
black tits getting pinch video
yes we have no banana
engrish tea bag
momma's in the basement mixing up the medicine lyrics
herpes penis
speedo mullet
dookie doo poop dog shit
whiskey dick alcohol
deaf leppard
stripping motivational
thorazine rx
mcdonalds give me squirts
femullet
tranny bicycle rider biker shemale
publix wheat is unhealthy
olen mills
kill dolphins
nipple clamps
stop.hammer time
herpes signs
i eat animal
gary busey alcoholic
anyone who's used sanitized tape worms

Vid Of The Day: Your Mother

Ouch.

Children's Artwork Of The Day

I think this one has been around a while, but it still makes me laugh. From PeggyGator and Gem.



I am better than your kids.

If you work in an office with lots of people, chances are that you work with a person who hangs pictures up that their kids have drawn. The pictures are always of some stupid flower or a tree with wheels.

These pictures suck; I could draw pictures much better. In fact, I can spell, do math and run faster than your kids. Since my skills are superior to those of children, I've taken the liberty of critiquing art work done by other kids on the internet.



(by Megan, Age 4)

WTF is this? A dog or a bedside table? If it's a dog, do you really think a dog with only two legs would be smiling? I can answer that for you: No. Grade: F




(by Kyle, age 8)

You spelled America wrong, asshole. Also, I could have sworn America's colors were red, white and blue. Do you see "yellow" anywhere in "red, white and blue"? No, traitor. Grade: F



(by Lisa, age 6)

Happy Easter, Lisa, and good luck as you continue to recover from that head injury. Grade: D (really an F but on the Head Injury Curve that's a D).



(by Cameron, age 4 )

I once saw a chicken paint a picture by holding a brush in his beak. This picture makes that chicken look like Van Gogh. Grade: F



(by Bryce, age 10)

Have the voices been talking to you again, Bryce? As long as they are saying "Paint creepy-ass pictures," that's fine, but if they start saying "Kill Mommy and Daddy," you should let someone know so we can get you medicated. Grade: F



(by Jon, age 8)

Ding Ding! Here comes the Shitmobile. I've never seen a fire truck that needed to be shaved. I would rather burn to death than be saved by this hairy piece of shit. Grade: F



(by Rachel, age 7)

Hey, look, everyone in this picture is white. Even the rainbow is white. Perhaps in an ideal world, everyone would be white, right, Rachel? Or should I call you Racist? Nice try, Hitler. Grade: F



(by Jason, age 6)

Jason was obviously at the zoo yesterday, where he saw monkeys flinging their own feces at the wall, and decided to try it himself. Grade: F



(by Seth, age 4)

What's wrong, Seth, Mommy pulled you off the teat too soon? Car, my ass. Those are boobs. And let's not mention the thing above them that looks like a boner, ok, Little Oedipus? Grade: F



(by Kelly, age 9)

This was a Christmas gift from Kelly to her parents. Nice going, Kelly, now pack up your shit and get the fuck out of this house. This shit might pass if you were 4, but you're 9.. old enough to know that some last minute scribblings on napkins just doesn't cut it for Christmas. Grade: F-.

Vid Of The Day: Human Tetris

Only in Japan. From dc.

Your Top Fives, Part 2

Here are the lists you sent me in response to the Top Fives post I ran a few weeks ago. I'm adding my own Top Five list -- completely different from my last one -- to get more pics of girls up in here. If you sent a list and it's not here, let me know.

Amanda
Johnny Depp
Christopher Meloni ("Law & Order: SVU")
Hugh Laurie ("House")
Julian McMahon ("Nip/Tuck")
Benjamin Bratt
Bill Paxton ... I guess that's my shocker




Harmony
Harrison Ford (circa 1986)
Jesse Bradford (love his eyebrows and teeth)
Adrien Brody (I love big noses and his is awesome!!!)
Jake Gyllenhaal (Gorgeous!!!)
Edward Norton
Shocker: Steve Burns (I don't know why, but when he was on Blues Clues I was totally in love with this guy. I almost looked forward to this show coming on as much as my son did).


Tracie
John Krasinski
Ewan McGregor (with hair from Moulin Rouge, not Star Wars or Trainspotting)
Topher Grace
Jon Stewart
Jeremy Piven





DGW
Raquel Welch
Salma Hayek
Teri Hatcher
Cindy Crawford
Ali Landry







Snigglefrits
David Caruso

Harrison Ford
Alex O'Loughlin
David Conrad
Mark Harmon
Shocker- Clint Eastwood (...only shocking because he's a year or two older than my father!)



Audra
Jason Statham
Hal Sparks
Ty Pennington
Scarlett Johannsen
Matthew McConaughey
Shocker: the oh-so- fabulous Rupert Everett



Amy
Mike Rowe (Dirty Jobs - That voice. That ass. Hell yes, Mr. Rowe, I would love to get dirty with you!)
Bill Engvall (He might be a redneck, but he's adorable, and funny as all get out).
George Clooney (Just. To. Look. At.)
Steve Carell (Because funny trumps hot every time.)
Paul Walker (Yes, I'm old enough to be his mama, but he is too cute.)



James
Melora Hardin (Jan from "The Office")
Renee Zellweger (esp. in Bridget Jones. When her face scrunches up - and it does with striking frequency - I just want to give her a hug)
Julie Benz (from "Dexter" - yeah, her face kinda scrunches up, too)
Evangeline Lilly ("Lost")
Ellen Page (I was simultaneously excited and repulsed by her in Hard Candy)
Shocker: Mary Lynn Rajskub (Chloe on "24")


Keva
Bruce Willis
Ben Affleck
Ben Kingsley
Jason Statham
Kevin Spacey
My shocker: Obama, baby!






Daisy
Patrick Dempsey
Harrison Ford
George Clooney
Hugh Grant
Richard Gere
Shocker: David Letterman (because I think he is charming and because he makes me laugh so)



Amy The Mom
Will Ferrell
Clive Owen
Anthony Bourdain
Colin Firth
Shocker: Dwight Yoakam (Only as a singer in those tight pants with the hat worn low. He creeps me the fuck out in virtually every acting role he's ever had. There. My secret shame has been revealed.)


Bubbasmom
Ryan Reynolds (yeah, I'm a cradle-robber...)
Dennis Storhoi (13th Warrior)
Nathan Fillion (Firefly, Serenity)
Karl Urban
Shocker(s): Gary Cooper/James Stewart back in the day...YUM...
Tommy Lee Jones (he can ride and there's the voice)



Elisabitch
Benicio Del Toro (not in Fear and Loathing)
Luke Wilson
Ryan Reynolds
Jude Law
Keanu Reeves
Shocker: Jason Schwartzman


Cary
Amy Adams
Ali Landry
Dana Delany
Radha Mitchell
Linda Cardellini
Shocker: Donna Reed (before she died)




Angela
Matt Damon (Golly, he was hot in the Bourne movies)
Michael Bublé (I have a thing for Canadians)
John Mayer (It has very little to do with his music. I love his sense of humor and his blog)
Josh Duhamel (After seeing "Win a Date with Tad Hamilton" I fell in love)
Ryan Gosling (Clearly, I'm sexually attracted to talent)
SHOCKER: Edge from WWE (Big muscles, good hair, and great teeth... Oh, yeah.)


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