God I love this clip. Don't miss him singing on stage at the end.
Friday, March 14, 2008
Imagine it. You're on an airplane, or at a fast-food restaurant or an outdoor festival. You have to pee ... bad. There's one toilet or porta-potty. Someone is in it. You wait. And wait. And wait. Oh god, someone's dropping a bomb in there. But you have no choice. You gotta go. Finally they come out, and it's...
Jim's from Chicago, so you know he probably downed 4 brats and 13 Old Styles earlier in the day, and now he's just dropped them off at the pool, just for you. Enjoy.
Maggie's a vegan, and if you think vegans don't have foul dumps because they don't do meat or dairy or whateverthefuck else they don't eat (so I can), just think about what foods cause the nastiest farts. Right. Cabbage. Broccoli. Beans. Starches. Corn. Nuts. Corn and nuts.
Please. Don't you know that every time Sasquatch drops a load on that gay cruise ship of hers, its speed immediately drops by 2.4 knots and it lists discernibly to starboard. Then I bet she comes out, triumphant, and, because she fancies herself a comedian, exclaims, "Hoo, I just lost 4 pounds!"
Frat boy. Beer. Nachos. Cigs. Oysters. Tequila shots. Hot wings. You and I both know that VV can destroy any bathroom of any size, so whether it's a porta-let or the 40-seater at Mandalay Bay casino where he's pinching his megaloaf, you'll be peeing with one hand on your pecker and the other holding your nose so no blood gets on your shirt.
She's Canadian. Their shit smells funny, a nose-offending blend of maple syrup and Moosehead. Then you got Alanis in there, probably tokin' up and taking her sweet time while she pens another hit tune. Isn't it ironic.. that you stink.
I pity the fool.
Tiny little actress, but don't be fooled by her diminutive size. Ever smelled a Chihuahua turd? A compact little torpedo whose size belies its destructive powers. That's Linda in a buttshell.. I mean, nutshell.
Ever smelled a Klingon dump? Me neither, although I had the opportunity a few years ago at the Inman Park Festival in Atlanta. I went to a porta-potty that was occupied, so I waited.. and waited.. and waited.. fffuck, this is gonna be ugly... and finally, out steps a Klingon. I kid you not. So I peed in the bushes.