Thursday, March 13, 2008

Dirty Found

LOTD uberfan, Miellyn, directed me to a great website called Dirty Found, which says, "We collect DIRTY FOUND stuff: pervy Polaroids, sleazy birthday cards, raunchy to-do lists, nasty poetry on napkins, illustrations -- anything that gives a glimpse into someone else's sex life." And these certainly do.

Warning: Do not proceed if you are offended by hilariously foul language, vulgar names, lewd and juvenile descriptions of sex acts, or bad drawings of people (or animals) in flagrante delicto (Steve, click the link to see the meaning of that phrase.)

Found in a NYC middle school classroom by a teacher



Found in a band practice space. "I've been thinking about you.. and your deformed penis"



Found in a recycling bin in front of apartments in Kent, England



Found near a park bathroom



Found in a company's recycle bin during an audit



Found at Starbucks in Cupertino, California
under a table where two coeds had been sitting



Found in a park Roanoke, Virginia



Found in a library in Charleston, South Carolina. The contributor says, "The man who wrote this used to come into the public library every day. We called him 'The Poet.' He would scribble, scribble, scribble, sit very still, and then calmly tear it all up and leave. This is one of the few intact sheets, but they all read like this. I collected about 100 pages, but I think he must have written about 1,000."



No location given, but the contributor wrote, "I was cleaning out an abandoned file cabinet in my office and found a list of stuff to bring on a field project. On the last page, someone added a little something extra to bring along."



Found on the sidewalk near a frat house



Found taped to a bus stop sign across from a motel



Found in a book checked out from the University of Virginia library in Charlottesville



Found in the elevator of my apartment building



Contributor writes, "While at my in-laws, my father-in-law and I were out for several hours doing chores. We returned to an empty house and found one of the dogs tied up with one of those plastic cones around its head, the kind that prevents it from licking itself, and this note on the kitchen table."



Contributor writes: "This was found in my old apartment. One of the former tenants had been a prison security guard and evidently brought home this piece of contraband confiscated from an inmate's incoming mail."



Found in Louisville, Kentucky. Contributor writes: "My folks live on the main thoroughfare connecting the nearby middle school with the public bus line. I can only assume this came from the pocket of a middle schooler on his way to the bus and not from my parents' 80 year old neighbor, whose sidewalk it graced."



Contributor writes: "I found this on the ground in front of the sign pictured. The sign was for this horrible hair salon in Oklahoma. The staff was notoriously bitchy, making the sign quite popular for several hours while it remained like this."



Found in the Minnesota Valley National Wildlife Refuge near a bench overlooking the Minnesota River Valley



No locations or details were given for the rest of these.
















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Governor's Trollop Of The Day

Say hi to Ashley Dupre, a.k.a. Kristen, a.k.a. The Wrong Box. I don't blame him. She's hot gooseberry puddin', guv'na!


"Ashley, how long did the Governor last, in seconds?"




.

Videos Of The Day: Reader Submissions

Various mirth from readers. Thanks, my peeps.

From Jason - when The Simpsons meets GoodFellas



From Cindy - french fries

video

From Mark - a classic Dutch spot on the importance of learning English. This one's been around a while, but it still makes me laugh.



From Scott - one of Oscar's worst -- or best, depending on how you look at it -- moments from 1989. Things have changed a bit since then, eh?

Secret Confessions

There are numerous websites (like this, this, this and this) where you can anonymously post secrets/confessions. Some sites, like PostSecret, ask people to send in their secrets on a postcard. These are some of the more interesting cards and posts I saw. Some are funny, some are heartbreaking. Some sound like fiction.. but are they?

All typos/misspellings were kept from the original submissions.






I put my penis in a Goldfish's bowl once.



I'm a kinda fat guy who has never had a girlfriend and never been even close to a girl. I'm totally addicted to porn. I've tried to stop so many times but i always go back to the computer. When does it stop?!





Back when i was in middle school, i had this stage where i would tie strangers clothes in knots. yeah, isn't that great? but now i feel bad so to all those people out there in freeport, illinois who found their clothes tied up in knots 20 years ago, i am sorry. i shouldn't have done that.



I had sex with sisters, at different times (unfortunantly).





Hugging makes me feel so uncomfortable. My mom and dad used to hug me, but I pulled away, so they haven't tried in a long time. I can't tell them that when I was 11, I was raped.



My vibrator needs a wall socket. Im a 23 yr old female, that masturbates on average, about 8 times a day.



I've realized that I'm in love with my friend who is married. I will never tell him



My old girlfriend from college used to fart when ever she felt like it. Even if we were in public, she'd just let one rip and not give a damn. She was kind of a tomboy, but only in her actions. Anyway, this one time when we were having sex she farted so loud that she pooped on the bed sheets. She was so embarrassed and ending up crying... but the reason why she cried wasn't because she pooped on the sheets, it was because I couldn't stop laughing at her. In fact, I laughed to the point where I started to fart like a machine gun. I couldn't stop myself. So, in the end, she broke up with me because she felt I wasn't "mature" enough to handle her "mature" farts.



I don't know if i can get into my college now. i didn't look at the website in time, and now i'm screwed. i don't know what i'll do. i'm so embarassed. i don't know if this can be saved. i'm thinking not. i'm so screwed.





Sometimes i really wish i would've gone through with suicide when i was ten, instead of chickening out.

I'm just not physically attracted to her. I'm only doing it so I can get a job at her dad's law firm.



I get really uncomfortable when there are two anchorwomen on the news. It's weird. Only when there are two anchormen or one of each can I watch the news at ease.




I told her i loved her and she just looked at me.



I am ugly, I am overweight, I am 18, and I have acne. I am never going to get a boyfriend. I had my first kiss last night from a guy... but he's gay. Go. Me.





I wish I could have wild orgies all the time. Why can't girls just put their mouth on my ding dong?





I love the feeling of depression


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