Friday, February 29, 2008
I leave you with this gut-buster from Rebecca and FunnyOrDie.com.
The photo is from Kurt M., who writes, "A friend of mine showed me one of her school pictures last month when I went to visit her in Ottawa, Canada. I saw it and after I stopped laughing (which took a long time) said, "This is totally the type of thing that would be on List of the Day."
Kurt's (anonymous - can you blame her? ) friend explains her pic: "I am still trying to figure out if, by letting me keep this photo without retakes, my parents were cruel, clever (blackmail material), or had a great sense of humour. Cozy is a hand puppet that I got for Christmas at age 7. I was so proud. It's a shame that the photo cuts off the Cosby-style sweater he is wearing, which my mom knit for his own proportions (his skinny arms were about 45 cm each!). This photo has been posted on friends' fridges and walls for many years now, and has provided hours of laughter."
The Blue Lagoon - I was 7. We had HBO. This was one of my favorite movies. Enough said.
Sixteen Candles - 7. Still with the HBO, could have been worse, but still slightly out of my age range. What’s a birth control pill?
The Woman in Red - 7. I don’t know why I remember this, but Willy Wonka and the she-robot from Weird Science are in it. Not age appropriate, and I don’t want to see Willy Wonka try to get laid. Everlasting gobstopper? We’ll see about that.
Terms of Endearment - apparently I watched a lot of movies at 7. This wasn’t so much inappropriate as emotionally over my head. But I still cried balls when Debra Winger kicked. So did my mom.
Risky Business - 8 or 9. Tom Cruise was so innocent and dreamy then, before he turned into a creepy little scientologist. “Joel, get off the babysitter.”
Revenge of the Nerds - 8 or 9. I still remember their lame little song for the Lambda Lambda Lambda talent show or some shit. Good times.
The Breakfast Club - 9 or 10, I loved this movie, but I didn’t understand why it was rated R since there was no nudity. I didn’t understand most of it until later, and I certainly didn’t know what they were smoking.
Fast Times at Ridgemont High - 10, under the influence of my older sister and her friend. Learned how to give a blow job from Jennifer Jason Leigh and the carrot. Didn’t know what Judge Reinhold was doing in the bathroom when Phoebe Cates walked in.
Fatal Attraction - with my dad around 9. He got all fidgety and nervous when they started fucking on the kitchen sink. Then he got up and left. It ruled.
The Exorcist - with my dad around 10 or 11. On Easter of all days, having to watch Linda Blair fuck herself with a crucifix. WITH MY DAD (AND EASTER BASKET) RIGHT NEXT TO ME.
Road House - in the theatre with my mom at 12, due to a crush on Patrick Swayze at the time. Thank you, Dirty Dancing. Way too advanced for my age. Oh, and the part where Patrick Swayze rips that dude’s throat out: Aces. That wasn’t traumatizing at all.
Warrant - Cherry Pie video - not a movie, but worth mentioning. 12 with my dad. Slutty Mrs. Jani Lane/Bobbi Brown. Ugh, so many things wrong with this. He also liked that Sam Kinison video with Jessica Hahn, probably because she’s wearing nothing but suspenders and silicone. Ick. I drew the line at Love in an Elevator by Aerosmith.
Heathers - saw it at 12. Getting old enough, but really, probably shouldn’t have seen it yet. My sister taped it off HBO for me on VHS, and the tape eventually wore out. This was my favorite movie for years, and I still love it. Fuck me gently with a chainsaw.
Pump Up the Volume - in the theatre with my mom at 13, due to a crush on Christian Slater at the time. Pretty much the whole movie was mortifying with my mom there.
Sex and the City, the “funky spunk” episode - not a movie, but worth mentioning. A few years ago, with my parents. Ugh, it doesn’t matter how old you get, some things are still off limits with parents. Spunk? What’s that? What’s a blow job? I wouldn’t know.
Knocked Up - a few months ago, with my parents. “THAT’s how you get pink eye.” And all the sex. Did I mention that some things are still off limits with parents? Sex? What’s that?