News Story Of The Day

Great news from The Onion. Click the headline for the full article. Now Chris can spend more time thinking of Laura.

Christopher Cross Finally Reaches Mexican Border

NOGALES, MEXICO-After nearly 20 years on the run, Grammy-winning singer-songwriter Christopher Cross finally reached the Mexican border Monday.

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14 Great Performances of 2007

Better late than never, right? From Entertainment Weekly (click for full article with a longer list and more commentary).

AMY ADAMS

Enchanted
Birds sing when Adams shows up on screen. In the Disney hit Enchanted, she invigorates what could easily have been just another tired tale of a fairy princess falling into the arms of her prince. Charming without ever being cloying, the actress manages to play a naive, love-struck maiden without once seeming like a dumb sap.

RADIOHEAD

In Rainbows

Was it a revolutionary stroke of genius? Or an arrogant stunt? Regardless of what you thought of Radiohead's decision to let fans download In Rainbows for whatever price they liked, it was the one music-biz story that absolutely everybody had something to say about this year. And the veteran Brit-rock quintet managed to inspire all that fanfare with virtually none of their own — just a brief, simply worded announcement via the band's official blog on Oct. 1.

TED DANSON

"Damages"
It's not like we didn't think Danson could act. After all, the man was nominated for an Emmy 11 years in a row (winning twice). But that was for Cheers. We knew he could do comedy — who knew he could also do coke with a hooker in a limo while ordering a hit on an innocent witness to his own corporate crime?

MARION COTILLARD

La Vie En Rose
A striking beauty, Cotillard shaved her eyebrows and hairline to play Edith Piaf. But the physical transformation is only part of what makes her performance remarkable. Her Piaf is crass, funny, vulnerable — everything that endeared her to her fans.

AMANDA SEYFRIED "Big Love"
To play Sarah, the polygamy-questioning eldest of the Henrickson clan, Seyfried uses her wide eyes to channel inner conflict — whether she's rebelling or lamenting her brother's embrace of ''the principle.''

HAL HOLBROOK

Into the Wild
Hal Holbrook doesn't show up until two-thirds of the way through Into the Wild. By then, the fate of Emile Hirsch's rambling idealist, Chris McCandless, has been all but sealed. Holbrook's triumph is making you believe that if anyone could have saved the young boy from his gypsy death wish, it would have been him. As Ron Franz, a tenderhearted widower searching for a grandson with the same desperation that McCandless was searching for tumbleweed truth, Holbrook caps a brilliant 53-year career.

AMY WINEHOUSE
South by Southwest
It's hard to remember a world without Winehouse, but until this year, the bluesy British songstress was but a beehive and a dream — at least to most Americans. Then came a number of performances at the four-day music showcase South by Southwest that would introduce us to the Amy we know today: shambolic, unpredictable, and — when she was on her game — nearly transcendent.

JULIAN SCHNABEL
The Diving Bell and the Butterfly
What's most miraculous about Schnabel's The Diving Bell and the Butterfly is what he left off the screen. There's not a soaring violin or maudlin three-hankie moment to be found in this adaptation of a memoir by French editor Jean-Dominique Bauby, who suffered a stroke that robbed him of his ability to move anything but his left eyelid.

KERI RUSSELL
Waitress
Four seasons of "Felicity" taught us that Russell could play adorable coeds better than anyone. But who'd have guessed she could command the big screen with equal grace in a truly grown-up role?

TOMMY LEE JONES
In the Valley of Elah
We've seen tough-cuss military dads in movies, but none quite like Jones' retired MP Hank Deerfield. Tracking his AWOL Iraq-veteran son, Hank creases his pants by stretching them hard over the edge of a motel-room countertop. Killer detail.

DANIEL DAY-LEWIS
There Will Be Blood
Gee, Daniel Day-Lewis giving a great performance — who'dathunkit? At this point, we should just reserve a slot for the guy every year. Still, even if the British Method man hadn't already built a résumé of almost suicidally immersive turns in such films as My Left Foot and In the Name of the Father, his haunting portrayal of a monstrous oil tycoon in Paul Thomas Anderson's There Will Be Blood would be a harrowing achievement.

IRON AND WINE
The Shepherd's Dog

Southern strummer Sam Beam (a.k.a. Iron and Wine) was already a certified star of the indie-folk scene, but he leaped into a whole new realm of creativity with The Shepherd's Dog. Boldly shedding the sleepy sound of his first two efforts, Beam surrounded his imagistic lyrics with the hazy, psychedelic effects and constantly shifting rhythms they deserved. The result was more than just a good Dog — this puppy was downright great.

DAVID LETTERMAN
Paris Hilton Interview

When Paris Hilton guested on the Sept. 28 Late Show With David Letterman, she may have expected the usual fawning and enabling inquiry into her latest vanity projects (in this case, a fragrance and clothing line). Instead, Letterman — a host gloriously incapable of feigning interest — peppered her with subtly mocking questions about her recent stint in jail, deftly brushing aside her banal sloganeering (''It's made me a stronger person'') and asking for a dissection of her prison menu. When she finally gave a pout, mewing that she didn't want to talk about jail anymore, Letterman — after a perfectly timed pause — fired back, ''This is where you and I are different, because this is all I want to talk about.''

JAVIER BARDEM AND JOSH BROLIN
No Country for Old Men

Who's the scariest killer in movies? Hannibal Lecter? The Terminator? As of 2007, it may be Anton Chigurh (pronounced Sha-GUR), the unstoppable hitman played by Bardem in No Country for Old Men. Wearing an unnerving Buster Brown haircut, he gives this stone-cold psychopath a voice that's an exhausted croak, yet in his eyes there's a creepy energy that flares up during acts of murder.

Live Musical Performance Of The Day

Lionel Richie on German TV. I laughed. Lionel's a good sport. Thanks, MovieGuru.

Classic TV Show Open of The Day

Good God how I loathed this show. Loathed it. They were all soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo serious. Not one laugh in the entire show, ever. I kept hoping for a Very Special Episode where a meteor takes them all out. It never happened. I'm surprised Mike Nichols wanted his name on this crapfest.

James Broderick is (well, was) Matthew Broderick's dad.


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Rerun Of The Day: More Great Tattoos

Another round of bitchin' artwork. Some contain nudity. All contain copious amounts of suck.

First up, a collection of bad celebrity likenesses. By that I mean both bad celebrities and bad likenesses.

I bet she has a Radio tattoo on the other arm.

Is that David Cassidy?

Wanna be asexual like Clay? Just get this tattoo.

Whatever happened to just getting a poster?

Even Pee Wee is embarrassed for this guy.

Next up, a collection I call "Look What I Did To My Junk!"

Cherries = 100 points. Peach = 500 points.
Dingleberry = 1000 points.

It rubs the lotion on its skin, or else it gets the hose again.

Fact: This dude has little hearts and butterflies
all over his schlong.

Birds of "Pair o' Dice"? Yes, please use my ass to create the world's lamest pun. Permanently.

I'm thinking about how she had to sit, and how long she had to sit that way, while this was being done.

The world's hairiest rack.

And the rest...

I like bacon, too, but come on.

You sur are.

Free tattoo inside every box of Cheer!

Linda as Chaka from "Land Of The Lost."

He fought Capt. Windshield -- and lost.

The Latin phrase at bottom says, "I will die a virgin."

I bet he's a lot of fun to fly with.

Think this is bad? Wait.

Keep waiting.

Told ya.

Some pothead came up with this while eating Ho-Ho's.

Ha, that doesn't look anything like my mom.

Well this makes sense.

Very original. Most people don't get the ottoman.

I'm glad to see that Britney still has some fans left.

Anarchy or Star Trek? Whichever, he doesn't seem too sure about it.

LOTD regular Blong sends along this fine addition.