Friday, February 8, 2008

A Sign That Your Child Might Watch Too Much TV

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She comes into the kitchen out of the blue and says, "I want to lower my monthly payment."

Where Aren't They Now? Five Pathetic Post-Star Wars Careers

From Cracked.com (full article here).

Here are five men who were integral to the Star Wars franchise but whose careers outside the trilogy were either forgotten or not worth remembering:

Peter Cushing

The character:
Imperial Officer Grand Moff Wilhuff Tarkin

The actor:
Peter Cushing was so old-school, he actually appeared in a Laurel and Hardy movie (A Chump at Oxford). That was before George Lucas was even freaking born. He was also originally considered for the role of Obi-Wan Kenobi. Picture that.

Inestimable contribution to the films:
Tarkin was the real badass of the first film. When Vader started air-choking a guy, it was Tarkin who told him to back it off and Vader did what he was told. Also, you thought it was scary when Anakin killed those kids in Episode III? Tarkin killed a whole planet's worth of them on Alderaan, and for even less reason.

Where is he now?
Dead.


Peter Mayhew

The character:
Wookiee smuggler Chewbacca

The actor:
He's tall. Peter Mayhew is a goddamned 7-foot-3 inches. That's two Tom Cruises. If we're going to be totally honest here, that was the main contributor to him landing the role of Chewie. OK, the only contributor. In Mayhew's own words, "All I had to do was stand up."

Inestimable contribution to the films:
Try to imagine Chewbacca, only about two feet shorter. Mayhew's freakish height is the only thing separating Chewbacca from a damned Ewok, and the only thing keeping that costume from being laugh-out-loud ridiculous.

Where is he now?
Mayhew voiced the character Susha in Dragonball: GT and is all set to appear in Yesterday Was a Lie, a fantasy sci-fi noir movie about quantum physics and some other bullshit. Fans of Chewie who were disappointed to see him gypped out of a hero's medal at the end of Episode IV will be glad to note that he was ceremoniously given one at the MTV Movie Awards in 1997.

Jeremy Bulloch

The character:
Mandalorian armor-clad bounty hunter Boba Fett

The actor:
Jeremy Bulloch wasn’t the only Boba Fett, but appearing in both Empire and Jedi makes him the standard. You might also know his strikingly unthreatening face as Q's assistant from the James Bond film Octopussy, a movie that many audiences walked out on after realizing the title character did not have eight vaginas.

Inestimable contribution to the films:
What is it about Boba Fett? The guy is barely in the original trilogy and dies a ridiculous death when a blind Han Solo accidentally knocks him off a barge. Yet, the fans went nuts for him. Bulloch had to be doing something right. The way he... stood there.

Where is he now?
Bulloch appeared alongside fellow unsung Star Wars hero David Prowse in the Internet fan films Order of the Sith: Vengeance and its sequel, Downfall. Like every second-tier member of the cast, he’s no stranger to the convention circuit, but at least he scored a cameo in Episode III, as a ship’s pilot.

Denis Lawson

The character:
Rebel X-Wing Pilot Wedge Antilles

The actor:
According to his official (meaning Wikipedia) biography, Denis Lawson was born in Crief, Perth and Kinross, which we are choosing to believe means he left three separate wombs, in thirds, and was assembled later. He’s also the only member of the Star Wars cast to have his name misspelled in the credits (twice!), giving him full automatic rights to the title "unsung."

Inestimable contribution to the films:
Was the only minor character to survive all three movies, despite being present at both Death Star attacks and being likable yet expendable, usually a recipe for poignant death.

Where is he now?
Lawson is one of the few to have actively resisted the siren’s call of Star Wars reprisals, denying a request by Lucas to play Capt. Antilles, a character "totally unrelated" to Wedge, in Episode III. Sorry George, we guess he saw Episode II. Lawson has had an extremely healthy career in BBC television, appearing in more than 20 series since his Star Wars appearances.

David Prowse

The character:
The body of Dark Lord of the Sith, Darth Vader

The actor:
Before playing Vader, the staggering 6-foot-7 inch weightlifter appeared in several films as Huge Muscular Guy. Our favorite role has to be Green Cross Code Man, a hero invented by the BBC to encourage kids to follow street lights when crossing the street.

Inestimable contribution to the films:
He intimidated everyone while simultaneously allowing James Earl Jones to perform his role from a booth in his underwear.

Where is he now?
Prowse worked as a trainer whipping Christopher Reeve into shape to play Superman. He also trained Cary Elwes to play Westley in The Princess Bride. Unlike most typecast actors, Prowse seems to love his most famous role, still attending conventions to discuss the films and even heading the 501st legion, a group of Star Wars costuming fans.

Videos Of The Day: Susan Isaacs

Great stuff from funny lady and LOTD reader, Susan Isaacs.

video



Funny Signs Of The Day

LOTD reader Brigitta pointed me to Roadside America's collection of great signs. Here are a few of my favorites. Lots more at their website.


So it would appear


With nuts!




"Sandwich Artists" are NOT losers


That's almost unfair to the competition






Welcome to Applebee's




Yep, that's about right...give or take a year.


Just in time for Valentine's Day


Especially the ones left in the toilet


Join us on Wednesdays for our weekly pastor's lunch, "Munching With Katt."


Always a delightful 98.6 degrees


He's just curious about what flicks you rented






No fair. The fast ones are too hard to hit.




I've never seen fish on a train


Ever get the feeling you're not wanted?

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