Photos from Oddee.com, UtterlyBoring.com, CNN, Yahoo, Fox News and other sources.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Profile headline: “Hi, I’m a PC.”
Major mistakes: Mentioning how you are specifically looking for a girl with red hair because “I used to date a girl with red hair who is really special to me.” Also, having "perfectprofile" as your MySpace page kinda sets him up for failure.
Conclusion: No girl wants a guy who’s going to make them wear a mask of his ex-girlfriend’s face while they have sex, especially when you know it will end with a tearful orgasm and mumbled whispers of regret. And if she does she’s probably fat.
Profile headline: “If you’re looking to settle down into a relationship that moves way too fast and is intense and miserable from the get-go, I’m your girl.”
Major mistakes: She was actually doing pretty well, right between the part where she put on those sunglasses and the part where she revealed that she will eventually choose her husband based on his footwear and ring tone. But it’s probably good to discount three-quarters of the male population for wearing black shoes and not downloading hip-hop ring tones. That can’t possibly fail.
Conclusion: Chandelier is a stupid name.
Profile headline: “What rhymes with d-bag?”
Major mistakes: “Don’t rap your online dating profile” is one of those rules that’s just so obvious that no one thinks to reinforce it. It’s like “Don’t climb up on your boss’ desk and take a dump.” You just know it’s wrong, don’t you?
Conclusion: Many, many girls will go for this guy. And all of them will have herpes.