Friday, January 25, 2008
From Maxim (full article here)
OK, get out your checklist: Implied a teammate was gay. Deflecting suspicion? Check. Tacky earrings that would make Liberace crap his panties? Check. Fined multiple times for dancing in the end zone? Check.
Not only does Becks lose his shirt more than a sorority girl at Mardi Gras, but it's almost impossible not to run into his British bulge in an underwear ad at least once a day. Can you really trust a man that comfortable in tighty-whiteys?
Oscar De La Hoya
The DLH camp insists the photos that cropped up on the Internet depicting him in a fishnet body suit, black pumps, and a wig are fakes. But doesn't it say something that someone would bother doctoring them in the first place?
And not even because he can count among his peers Siegfried & Roy. No, it's the feathered hair, expansive jewelry collection, and multicoated nail polish that has us wondering if his romance with Cameron Diaz was her best role since, well...ever.
Wait a second, we're putting our foot down on this one. It's not Matt's fault he was so suspiciously good on Broadway that he out-gayed Nathan Lane. That's just commitment to his craft. And with a wife like Sarah Jessica "Seabiscuit" Parker, we're amazed anyone could think otherwise.
This "comedian"'s schtick has become so tired that he couldn't even get us to watch a movie in which Jessica Alba dances in her underwear. That's right, Dane Cook is so gay that he's turning us gay!
Jared was just having a little fun when he called himself "gay as a goose" in an interview. Could happen to anyone. No, Jared actually makes the list because his badass "rock" band, 30 Seconds to Mars, is actually gay as a goose.
If Hugh ever wants the rumors about his sexuality to subside, he needs to stop smiling so goddamn much, repress his love for song and dance, and start walking around 24/7 with adamantium claws protruding from his knuckles.
Honestly, what's this dude's problem anyway?
AimlessAmy sends her five to start us off. What are yours?
1. Air guitar. Don't do it. You look like a dork.
2. Hypocrites in any shape, form or fashion.
3. The smell of syrup. It is for this reason alone that I do not eat pancakes.
4. Open cabinets/drawers. Say it with me: “Open. Close. Open. Close.” Thank you.
5. Phone people. Especially you blue-toothers.
I probably have 500, but here are my first 5 that come to mind.
1. Movie talkers. Shut. The. Fuck. Up. I don't care how smart or witty you think you are. Shut up.
2. People who bring babies or toddlers to non-kid movies. If you can afford $9 for a movie, you can afford a babysitter. Besides, I don't really think your 3-year-old is gonna enjoy Sweeney Todd.
3. Red-light runners. Thought you could squeak through, didja? You could hit someone. Someone like me. And if my child is in the car when that happens, I will make you sorry.
4. People who toss cigarette butts on the ground. Who decided those weren't trash?
5. The expression, "I hate to say this, but..." If you really hated to say it, you wouldn't say it.