Thursday, December 18, 2008

Fugly Ass Christmas Sweaters Of The Day

Oh, the ho-ho-horror...


The snowman tried to hide before the photo was taken, but he wasn't quick enough.


Benny traded his bite stick and bus helmet for this sweater.


Grandma hated to waste anything, so when she ended up with three extra Santa heads, she stuck one on the arm and two on the back.


It looks like he horked down the front of his shirt.


The Playboy Christmas sweater. Because the birth of Jesus and porno mags go great together.


WTF? She looks like a Christmas suicide bomber. How does she stand up straight with all that shit on there? Oh, I know -- she has an anvil hanging from her back.


If you're wondering who gave Mom the Scotty Christmas vest, I'm guessing it's the guy with the mullet on the shelf back there.


Fuckin' teenagers. They never appreciate nice gifts.


The best thing about this sweater on eBay...


... is that it came with this super-sexy track suit.


She's checking for a heartbeat, because most guys wouldn't be caught dead in that thing.


If I had this vest, I'd wear it just like this -- with nothing under it. I might not even wear pants. But I would wear a top hat. And maybe a little one on my penis, too.


The Rorschach Sweater. Most patients say it looks like someone lost a snowball fight.


Did this come from the Mount Vernon gift shop? It looks like George and Martha Washington Snowman.


What, you thought only Americans had crappy taste?


I bet Coca-Cola makes its employees wear this to work.


This one looks like an afterthought. Someone was tired of the powder blue V-neck so she just stuck a bunch of Christmas shit on it.


Now we know where beads go to die.


She got just back from Sgt. Pepper auditions, but I don't know what the fuck he's thinking.


Sid The Surfin' Jew shows off a gift from a fan


Jerry got dibs on the Christmas sweater, so Maggie got stuck wearing the tablecloth.


Who wants to play Menorah Invaders?

59 comments:

  1. Talk about laughing out loud..funny as hell, Cary. I love the pissed-off teen...bwa ha ha.

    I work with a woman who has been pulling out her Christmas sweaters since last week. She most definitely has number #2...if she wears one to top that, I'll be sure to capture it on my camera for posterity.

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  2. Funny stuff, as always, Cary.

    The suicide bomber and Sgt. Pepper ones were especially funny.

    I don't know about that Playboy Christmas sweater, though. There's something about it that I really like. I can't quite put my, um, finger on it.

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  3. Thank you both.

    Lola, please do. Some real-life additions to this post would be terrific.

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  4. Yes you can, Frank, but I wouldn't do that at work if I were you.

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  5. o my hurtin eyes, one more reason i loathe xmas.

    the guy with the rorschach sweater definitely has the 'wtf!?!' look in his eyes.

    and it took me a minute to to figure out that what is on jerrys antlers was NOT a phallic object, *snicker*!

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  6. It must be Jerry's night at diaper duty for their son, so he likes to keep the Santa's hat/penis cover handy.

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  7. I was looking for a cardigan for my dad last night and ran across this:

    http://www.sierratradingpost.com/i/35530%2c03%2c_Jacob-Ash-Hot-Shot-Printed-Wool-Sweater-with-Wax-Yoke-For-Men.html

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  8. This is like the schoolteacher fashion show post...I will NEVER wear a holiday sweater. I hate sweaters first of all...I mean, even the name is horrible. These are what you sweat in. They're made ven worse by the addition of the colelction of holiday doo-dads. Hideous!
    -Confusia

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  9. That poor teenager. You know he just got that (too small) sweater from Aunt Hildegard and his mother just guilted in to wearing it for the picture so they can show her how much he loves it.

    He's living out the Ralphie/Bunny Suit incident, and he's in high school. Poor bastard.

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  10. Menorah Invaders! haahahahaha

    Every shot has the 'OY' sound effect.

    The teen is HILARIOUS too! Dammit, we can't have nice things with that attitude!

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  11. Reason #234 why Dirty Santa doesn't always end well!

    The poor suicide lady! Surely she didn't make that herself--if she tried to wash dishes she could get electrocuted. If her eyes don't get poked out by the killer poinsettia first.

    I received a light-up Christmas sweatshirt one year. The kids and I cut off the sleeves, took out the lights, and left it outside for the cats to sleep on. It was never seen again. (Cats have taste, you know.)

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  12. Cary,

    Green sweater man with the gal listening to his heart beat. are we sure it is a he....? looks kind of hemaphroditic to me......

    Which could explain the sweater....

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  13. Menorah Invaders!

    *Snort*

    Your captions on this one were AWESOME.

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  14. Good thing I was done with my coffee when I came to Menorah Invaders or I'd have a big mess on my screen.

    My Christmas sweater wearing coworker is on leave right now. I think she has one for every day of December. I don't miss her now. Thanks, Cary.

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  15. the captions are the best part, cary. heh, menorah invaders! love it. and "where beads go to die."

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  16. WTF is wrong with that lady's foot in the pic of the lady wearing the Scottie sweater? It looks like it's twisted backwards. Did you see that?

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  17. The first sweater is the scariest, I'd say.

    The snowman looks like its erupting out of the person's chest for chrissakes!

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  18. Menorah Invaders is my favorite!!!! I remember I was friends with the Jewish kid at school because he had an Atari and we'd play that game for HOURS!!!

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  19. fucking hilarious! love the captions, cary.

    we have an asshat in the office who wears a so-called "festive" wool reindeer sweater every year around this time. OOH, i should take a picture!

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  20. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! Oh my gosh! I love them all! Extra Santa heads and the horked up tree are hilarious! And the guy with the green sweater, the little black mustache,and the deer antlers with the itty-bitty santa hat on top---WOW! :D I think I'd rather wear the tablecloth than what he's got on. Oh my!

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  21. Those look like they came straight from my mom's closet...LOL

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  22. Cary, I have to keep coming back to this throughout the day because it is just so freakin' hilarious. I noticed there's another sweater wearer who doesn't look very happy about his gift. The Rorschac test sweater guy. He's not even trying for some courtesy gratitude...ha ha ha But like just about everyone else here, my favorite is the menorah invaders.
    -Confusia

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  23. I worked for a high-end department store in the early 90's and tacky Christmas sweaters with crap all over them were all the rage! Some of those sweaters were close to $100! Cary, you could get a "bedazzler", a pile of cardigans from Goodwill and be a millionaire!

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  24. Is the Scotty sweater woman wearing white pumps? At Christmas?
    She's got bigger fashion problems than that sweater

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  25. Dudes in my neck of the woods have been shot for less.

    Although I must admit, I sported the "puffy paint" xmas sweater mom made me in the early 90's to the bar and got laid. evil, evil sweater.........
    ~Rebecca

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  26. It was stated
    "She got just back from Sgt. Pepper auditions, but I don't know what the fuck he's thinking."

    He's thinking 'If I go along and wear this sweater maybe I'll get some of that.'

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  27. Cary~ LMFAO...your captions are great! Good job! #2 & #11 being my favorite! You are hilarious...and I have missed your sense of humor.

    I love LOTD..and promise to check in more regularly.

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  28. This is my first time here and I think I am freaking out my co-workers laughing out loud and crying like this! Thank you for the laugh. I'll be back!

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  29. Welcome, Kelly!

    Consider yourself lucky that you missed the Pete the Meat Puppet video. :-)

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  30. Thanks for stopping in, Kelly.

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  31. ROFL Those were awesome. I'm off to show them to my cousin who goes to an Ugly Christmas Sweater Party most years. I'm sure he has a ton of pics to contribute.

    Awesome, pure awesome

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  32. I think even Jackson Pollack would have a hard time understanding some of those creations.

    I'm all for dodgey Christmas jumpers, but really, Cary, those shoulda come with a warning about inducing vertigo...

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  33. The teenager in the white sweater has the same look on his face as the kid in Christmas story when he was wearing the "pink nightmare" bunny costume!

    Great post. These are all fugly!!

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  34. I work at an elementary school and even the teachers there haven't managed anything as horrid as these!

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  35. after the fact comment = "Menorah invaders = every Christmas in my house."

    bahahaha!

    thank you. i'm here all week.

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  36. f'n hilarious!!!

    I love the last one - Menorah Invaders is the best.

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  37. Menorah Invaders for the win!! Great stuff, I needed that tonight!!

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  38. To be fair, I think some of these people were at Ugly Christmas Sweater parties (I've been to a few myself). It's terrific what you can find when you look for the most hideous sweaters you can.

    I actually thought about hosting a holiday party that would be a decorate your own sweater thing. Puffy Paint and glitter and baby Jesus!

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  39. Mama Dawg sent me over. I can't say how happy that makes me, I'm too busy laughing over here. Oh what fun it is to make fun.

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  40. Linds - shhhhhh! You'll ruin it.

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  41. Several weeks ago Kahuna and I went to the thrift stores and they had a plethera of really bad Xmas sweaters. I told Kahuna that next year I'm buying them ALL and then sending Christmas Sweaters instead of Christmas cards. My friends and family will be so elated. They will wear them with glee...to my funeral!:)

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  42. That's a great idea, Gladys! Lots of Christmas sweaters can be found on EBay, too.

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  43. Good work finding such hideous sweaters and even a better job on the captions.

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  44. Like Lindsay said, I'm sure a lot of them are from sweater parties, but no matter -- they're still hideous.

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  45. OH my God, that priceless. LOVED IT!!! Thanks for making me bust in to spontaneous laughter at work. I'm sure the people in the cubicles around me think I'm nuts.

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  46. Thanks, Heather. Welcome to LOTD.

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  47. Most excellent. I had a Christmas sweatshirt once. Happily, it is long gone.

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  48. Oh dear lord! These are even worse that the tolietpaperina dolls!

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  49. Holy Shit I laughed my ass off reading these. My /fav is the Christmas Bomber sweater.

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  50. wow, you remind me of james lileks's commentary in gallery of regrettable food and interior desecrations. brilliant.

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  51. Picture #2 belongs to me and I don't appreciate its use here. It was an ugly sweater party for chrissake. Please remove it.

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  52. I can see why he'd want it taken down.

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  53. This reminds me of a Christmas Sweater/Office Space video I saw on Sunglass Hut titled 'Don We Not Our Lame Apparel':

    http://allie.fulltimefabulous.com/2010/12/assignment-4-don-we-not-our-lame-apparel/

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  54. There all pretty bad but that's the fun of christmas jumpers.

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