Funnies from Kelli T. and WeirdFortuneCookies.com (where you will find more of these)
Have you been talking to my wife?
Shit, there go my afternoon plans.
Ok, so if I do not follow the instructions, which are not to follow them, I then should follow them, right? But if I do so, then I'm back to not following them, aren't I? I'm so confused.
Welcome to El Paso.
Whew, at least I'm not emotional.
... two or three women telling him what to do and how to do it.
Sponsored by Jell-O.
That's exactly what Dad used to say.
Yes, please walk all over me.
Wink wink
Ok.
Yes I am.
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21 comments:
Your afternoon isn't completely ruined. You just can't kiss the elephant on the lips. Get creative.
Go check out holytaco.com. There is a yahoo question on there that most certainly deserved an answer from Cary.
That's really funny - my brother got the unusual equipment one the other day and I got one that said I had special talents.
Samsmama, I don't have a whole elephant, only the lips. I was gonna practice my kissing on them this afternoon. Oh well, there's always masturbation...
I just threw out a container of fortune cookies left over from ordering Chinese takeout. I should have opened them to check for any gems like these.
Your greatest danger could be your stupidity...
Holy Shit! I think I've just found a new poster for my classroom!!!
-Confusia
Still laughing.
You so funny! You just make my afternoon, funny guy.
p.s. - you need to add "in bed" after these.
Thanks, hun. See you later.
In bed.
i've gotten a fortune before that said "be gracious to your server"
...or else she'll spit in your lo mein.
The best one is "That wasn't chicken." I'm still waiting to get that one.
Number 6 must be "continued on next cookie".
I've gotten the alien will be visiting you shortly one, it's actually taped onto my monitor at work.
True story: my sister was in town visiting me once and I was excited about the visit and I made a cake. We went out for Chinese and during the meal I must have mentioned the cake like three times because I couldn't wait to eat it. Then I opened my fortune cookie, which read, "A nice cake is waiting for you." Of course I freaked. I still have that one too.
My favorite fortune cookie fortune I received a couple of years ago: Catch on fire with enthusiasm and people will come from miles away to watch you burn.
Somewhere on-line there's a fortune cookie fortune generator. I got one that said, "Avoid gunfire in the bathroom tonight."
And let's not forget the old Twlight Zone ep called "The Misfortune Cookie"...which was actually an old sci fi short short story (no, I didn't stutter...that's denomination). Great story.
My husband got a fortune once that said "Blessed are the childeren, for they shall inherit the national debt." Also, I had a friend who got one that said "Your hand will bring great pleasure."
I always add *in bed* after mine...
I have 2 hanging on my computer screen right now..
"An unexpected windfall will be yours" -What? Does this mean a Dutch Oven is soon to encase my lovely sleeping space.. joy! and
"You will be surrounded by things of luxury"- really..?? I still havent gotten that glass phallus Ive been wanting.. whats up with that? Now thats luxury! ;)
ps: I LOVE the one "That wasnt chicken you just ate"... I always say that when out with someone Ive never had Chinese with.. they die, I die.. my husband rolls his eyes.. but hey it IS funny!
Okay, now I've spewed diet pepsi again.
These are so hilarious.
My favorite fortune that I got was "Oops....wrong cookie."
I kept that one for ages.
W. :o)
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