Thursday, September 18, 2008

Craigslist Ad Of The Day - Hot Tub

Ok. I'm a somewhat weird dude; I know this. But I'm Johnny Normal compared to people like this. If this isn't the nastiest thing I've heard of, I don't want to remember what is.

Don't read this while eating your breakfast. And direct your wrath to Regan, who submitted it. She loves a good fight.


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hot tub group release (berkeley)

Date: 2005-12-08, 10:51PM PST

Let's keep this simple. I have a hot tub on Euclid. I am having a group release party on December 28th. Everybody is welcome (last time was all men which was fun but I would really like to get some women this time).

Here's how it works: Five people get into my 400 gallon redwood hot tub. The temperature is a challenging 125 degrees. After a few minutes, everybody "evacuates" (voids their bowels in the tub). We see what floats to the surface.

This "letting go" stage is followed by a "coming together" stage in which each person helps the person to their left reach satisfaction (handsex). Simple and wonderful.

Some ground rules:

1) No footwear of any kind in the tub! Leave your flip flops on the deck!

2) Do not go into the house.

3) Scents are okay but please, NO GREASY HAIR PRODUCTS.

4) Please refrain from smoking.

5) Once everybody is in the tub, its silent time. No talking until everybody is out.

6) If you do not like what is "going down" (or coming up) step out of the tub. You do not need to make it everybody else's problem.

7) Please commit before showing up. Don't come out to the backyard, check out the "scene" and then decide to leave. This disrupts the experience for everybody.

8) Please no laughing or frivolity. Its not that it has to be "dead serious" but we don't want it to turn into a joke. For many people a group release party is a vulnerable psychosexual experience and your laughter can be shaming.

9) PLEASE NO LOUD TALKING AFTER THE SESSION. MY NEIGHBORS HAVE COMPLAINED SEVERAL TIMES AND HAVE THREATENED TO CALL THE POLICE.

10) If you are over two hundred pounds it is fine, but please let me know in advance.

11) PLEASE NO DIABETICS, PREGNANT WOMEN OR PEOPLE WITH HEALTH CONDITIONS WHICH MAY BE AFFECTED BY A LONG AND UNUSUALLY HIGH TEMPERATURE HOT TUB SITUATION.

12) NO DRUGS OF ANY KIND!!!!

13) Please make sure that you have eaten well and NOT EXCRETED FOR AT LEAST TWELVE HOURS before coming.

14) No food in the hot tub or on the deck. If you must eat, finish your food in your car.

15) You can park directly out front or along the street. PLEASE DO NOT PARK IN THE DRIVEWAY. If parking is limited park on POPLAR st.

16) Do not turn on the airration jets under any circumstances. This makes the party impossible to clean up afterwards and also disrupts the atmosphere in the tub.

17) Please show up on time for the session. The orientation period is extremely important and helps to insure that the party will be a success for all participants.

18) NO CAMERAS OF ANY KIND INCLUDING CAMERA PHONES. For many, the session is a "discreet" experience and respect for individual privacy concerns is of utmost importance.

19) If you have a health concern which you believe may be transmittable through personal waste material please wait for at least two weeks after the matter has cleared up before attending a session.

20) You are welcome to bring a friend PROVIDED I KNOW IN ADVANCE. Please do not show up with an extra participant. Thank you for your interest and contact me if you wish to participate.

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Talk about a bunch of party poopers...
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74 comments:

  1. Only in Berkeley.

    Man, I hate it when people make the rest of us Californians look stupid.

    E

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  2. No. That is just wrong. I am confused as to why anyone would want to jackoff while sitting in a boiling toilet. what the hell

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  3. And no food. We wouldn't want to make a mess with food in the hot tub.

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  4. And heaven forbid your dirty, filthy shoes get near the hot tub.

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  5. Is it just me or don't you think it would be better to have the sexual portion FIRST, and then do the pooping??? I mean really, I don't think I'd like to be one to re-enter the tub after everyone got a chance to see what surfaced from the GROUP-POOP!!!

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  6. Smokers are so disgusting...that's where I draw the line. Pooping together and releasing together is spiritual. But smoking is the devil's work!

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  7. The neighbors only "threatened" to call the police, they didn't actually call?

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  8. Wow - Seems like a lot of rules for such a fucked party.

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  9. 1) No footwear of any kind in the tub! Leave your flip flops on the deck!

    'Cause one time this guy wore his freaking shoes in the tub! Do you know how unsanitary that is?!! The nerve of some people.

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  10. "last time it was all guys..."

    duh.

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  11. I promise I won't laugh or be frivolous...is it ok if I puke in the hot tub though. I'm feeling a bit, ill.

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  12. Not exatly my idea of a Think Tank.

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  13. Wow. I have a short list of taboos, but I'd never thought to include group poo-and-spoo.

    Really, I'd agree the "release" part should come first (pun intended?) - because not only does it seem more tolerable to sit in a hot tub full of jizz, but who would even be able to get close to "release" breathing poop steam? Yuck.

    Count me out.

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  14. As per your advice I am not reading this right now because I am eating breakfast.

    Thanks for the warning! :P

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  15. I want so very much for some joker in the group to break rule 16 and turn on the jets.

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  16. I wonder if anyone has died from this.

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  17. At least he/she doesn't have to worry about anyone using his/her bathroom.

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  18. #19 - Ya...I have a health concern alright, a couple now....I don't even like to poop in the girls bathroom at work never mind IN A HOT TUB FULL OF PEOPLE!! What do you say to your hot tub neighbour in this case..."Oh..nice one."?? Disgusting and disturbing...we all seem normal now!...

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  19. You can park in front or along the street. I would think there would be ample parking in the rear.

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  20. You can crap in my hot tub but NO SMOKING yuck dirty poo!

    *lighting up*

    Guess that leaves me out.

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  21. It took until Thursday this week, but there it is - the quote of my week - erica's "group poo-and-spoo".

    Thanks Cary - few posts this week have been great for my diet -the idea of squirrel sandwiches has kept me away from tuna salad and chicken salad this week. poo stew - will keep me away from chili, soup, and hot tubs.

    Keep 'em coming, I need all the bad imagery I can get to stay away from the fridge. Can you find something that would turn me off to ice cream for a while?

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  22. Okay, why worry about greasy hair products or shoes but not a hot tub full of SHIT and semen??

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  23. Sorry, I've changed way too many diapers for the 'group poo' to be in the least bit appealing. I can't even stand to be in the bathroom with myself sometimes.

    Erica gets the prize for the best quote! Loved that.

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  24. I wonder why no women showed up at the last party.

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  25. "Please come and sit in a vat of shit and jizz. But no eating, because that would be unsanitary."

    A new slogan for Berekley:
    "Berekley: Where group crapping is more acceptible than smoking."

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  26. It scares me to live in a world where people think this is great fun. Ugh. I'm having mental anguish asthma, truly.

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  27. how can anyone sit in 125 degree water?? hot tubs shouldnt be higher than 104. 110 has caused death in some folks. this is like sitting in a shit and jiz soup.

    its a 'poo and spoo' stew!
    eeeuuuwwww!

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  28. Lindsey - Shaming? Why? Was this your ad?

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  29. I just remembered my new favorite word, which I've stolen:

    Smite, Smite, Smite!

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  30. No, no Cary - See #8 above - you aren't aloud to laugh!!

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  31. duh - allowed... I think this ad has affected my ability to think and spell.

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  32. OMG.

    Smoking is what he's worried about? And hair products?

    This might be the grossest thing I've ever heard. (Sorry if you're one of those folks who find this to be a psychosexual experience.) ICK.

    The post itself was so horrifying I HAD to read it. Then I read the comments and have laughed so hard that I cried. My co-workers wanted to know what made me laugh that hard. "Um, just something funny on my friend's blog ..."

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  33. Oh.. of course.. duh indeed! My bad.

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  34. I'm sorry: Can you imagine sitting around and just checking out "what floats to the top"? Rude.

    Yeah, in my psych of human sexuality class in college we talked about people who are turned on by feces. But I don't think I ever pictured this.

    Thanks, Cary, for such disturbing images.

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  35. Kate - I give Regan all the credit.

    Reenie - think tank, ha! More like a stink tank.

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  36. I cannot add to this discussion because I have to go throw up.

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  37. no hair products, shoes or food in the tub? Who cares! There are turds floating around in the tub!

    I wonder what the complaining neighbor says when they call the police. "There's a shit party next door again."
    Bizarre...

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  38. You're welcome to shit and jizz in my hot tub but you may NOT go in my house!

    I would not want to be that guy's neighbor.

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  39. "Let me know if you're over 200 lbs." HA! I picture Dom DeLuise walking thru the door with his beach towel and everyone fleeing the hot tub.

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  40. You're shittin me right? (pun intended) is that a real ad?

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  41. Cary,
    I think he needs to know if you're going to displace too much water in the tub. If you're 375#, they're going to have to let some water out ahead of time so they can all still enjoy the hearty broth they produced, rather than watch it spill onto the deck... wasted.

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  42. Geeze. There there are some strange people in the world.

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  43. urk. I threw up in my mouth a little.

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  44. As you would say, Cary, "zing!" Laughing here.

    Hmm, or maybe that's what Frank says... or Kickstand.

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  45. Oh man. I forgot all about this one! In fairness, my husband Scott sent it to me. He's far more perverted than I.

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  46. OMG. I was already feeling kinda queasy, and then I couldn't stop reading even though I really really REAllY wanted to. I've heard of some bad party themes, but that one takes the cake. Oh, sorry -- I forgot about the no-eating rule...

    This makes the guy who wanted to nail a woman (who wasn't allowed to look at him) from behind while she was playing video games sound pretty normal. At least that only involved two people and zero turds.

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  47. Ah there is nothing about urinating... I guess deficate soup is enough with spooge. No need for anything else?

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  48. If I ever have an orgy, poop will be optional, not chicks.

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  49. so, I'm wondering.. did this all happen by acccident the first time? They all got food poisoning from the subby's fish tacos, (cuz he secretly has a fecal fetish and forgot to wash his hands) but didn't know it til they sat in the hot tub to whack each other off.. and oh nevermind

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  50. Hey who ate the corn? Ready, aim, fire!

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  51. Who ate the corn! That's some funny sh**. Pun intended.

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  52. No drugs? Then how are you supposed to go through with it?

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  53. WHAT THE FUCK?????!!!!!

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  54. Hearty Broth..... OMFG!!!!!!!!!! HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!

    Good one!

    No wonder people are dying from strange shit nowadays!

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  55. Could it be - could it just be... that this is someone elses Jacuzzi? And he's trying to f*ck them over for some reason?

    No, actually, I think that's just me looking for a psychic self-defence.

    This is wrong on so, so many levels. What worries me the most is this:

    This guy/girl/thing had the audacity to post this on Craigslist because "last time" he didn't really get the crowd he wanted - how many people organise this sort of thing, do get the crowd they want, and so don't feel the need to advertise publicly? This guy/girl/thing ain't alone,folks! It's happening in hot tubs all across the country!

    Sweet dreams.

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  56. I'll say this...
    It makes me glad I dated the King of the Elves instead of this freak!

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  57. How did people like this find each other before Craigslist?

    I too laughed until I cried at these comments.

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  58. I will never be able to get in a hot tub EVER again! Poo and Spoo, indeed! LOL

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  59. That is some fucked up shit.
    Poo and spoo stew, I think I am going to SPEW!
    I am sooooo glad I live in Oklahoma where this kind of wierdness doesn't happen, or at least doesn't get an ad on craigslist.

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  60. damn...
    and I thought I was kinky... that there is some fucked up shit

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  61. Ah. So THIS is what plumbers do on the weekend.

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  62. My husband said he emailed me "something" I had to see with a devilish grin on his face. I said, "Oh, is it some photo of a 400 lbs. lady showing her p***y?" He said, "No, worse." I said, "Is it a photo of a 400 lbs. man showing his d**k." "No, worse," he said. "the fat man shows his arsehole?" "Worse." Oh, my God. This WAS worse. Much worse.

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  63. And another life is forever altered.

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  64. You must not have read the post.

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