Monday, September 22, 2008

20 Dumbest TV Shows Ever

You won't be surprised to learn that the majority (75%) of the shows on this list are reality/game shows. You also probably won't be surprised to learn that more shows listed come from Fox (5) than from any other network.

What will surprise you -- or should, anyway -- is that among mindless series like Temptation Island and The Swan, the idiots at EW actually included the brilliant and hilarious Beavis & Butthead. More on that after the list.

From EW.com and Voronya.


HOLE IN THE WALL (Fox)

Playing human Tetris, contestants contort themselves to fit through cutouts in a foam wall...over and over again, while shrill hosts bray ''hole'' double entendres that rarely make sense. Oh, people also fall in the water. Yeah, that's it.


HURL! (G4)

Chugging chili for cash? If only it stopped there. No, Hurlers are then forcibly manhandled into spewing it back up; last one to heave wins $1,000. The only things that make sense are the hazmat suits.


WIPEOUT (ABC)

Proof that dumb doesn't always mean bad. Watching mud-caked office drones bounce face-first off giant kickballs strikes the part of the funny bone where dry wit can't reach.


I LOVE MONEY (VH1)

We fully endorse dumping witless Flavor of Love, I Love New York, and Rock of Love castoffs on foreign soil, but with two fixes: (1) Find the most egregious ones (where's the girl who pooped herself?), and (2) leave them there.


THE HILLS (MTV)

We can't fathom why these people are famous. We don't understand why none of them can string two cogent thoughts together. And we really don't know why we can't change the channel when they're on.


UNDER ONE ROOF (MyNetworkTV)

Flavor Flav was the least engaging yet most ridiculous thing on his own reality programs. So it stands to reason that MyNetworkTV's giving him a scripted series (especially a hacky Fresh Prince of Bel-Air rip-off) is unwise on its face — especially with these scripts (and that face).


AMERICA'S FUNNIEST HOME VIDEOS (ABC)

The formula (groin + object = funny) is hardly advanced physics, but the unavoidable truth is that there isn't a comedian alive who wouldn't kill to make people laugh that hard.


PAM: GIRL ON THE LOOSE (E!)

Never mind that a 41-year-old still refers to herself as a girl. The lamest thing about Pammy's reality show is that for all her talk of revealing the ''real'' her, all we learn is that she really, really likes sex. Don't we already know that?


SECRET TALENTS OF THE STARS (CBS)

If the stars were any good at their secret talents, they wouldn't be secret. Thankfully, it took the network only one episode (and one country ditty from George Takei) to figure it out.


THE MOMENT OF TRUTH (Fox)

The game show in which people sit in a hot seat, submit to humiliating questions in front of loved ones, then lose cash by getting their own answers wrong. Dumbest thing ever? Only if you're dumb enough to go on it.


FEAR FACTOR (NBC)

We haggled and debated over NBC's competition series, but in the end we couldn't decide which part was the most ridiculous: the wet-your-pants stunts, Temple of Doom-style insect encounters, or host Joe Rogan.


TEMPTATION ISLAND (Fox)

Mark Walberg pulls a dumb twofer as the host of Fox's Moment of Truth and Island, in which couples subjected themselves to betrayal and humiliation as they cavorted with singles aiming to bust them up. Arguably evil, but he did it for money (which makes it okay).


CHAINS OF LOVE (UPN)

More like Chains of fools, Love's contestants were in a prison of their own making when they signed up to be shackled to strangers for up to four days on this UPN series. If only — just once — the burly Lockmaster had lost the key.


HOMEBOYS IN OUTER SPACE (UPN)

Ham-fisted writing, wooden acting, and cheesy interstellar travel — where have we seen that before? Oh right, the Muppets' delightful ''Pigs in Space.'' Only ''Pigs'' was smarter, funnier, and had better production values.


JACKASS (MTV)

Why Jackass and not, say, The Tom Green Show? They both aimed for dumb, but Tom Green had a certain performance-art element to his inanity. The Jackass boys settled for rousing games of Nut Ball, pole-vaulting into fetid swamps, and chowing down on the ''vomit omelet.''


CHEATERS (Syndicated)

All kidding aside, the stabbing of host Joey Greco was horrible. But it did underscore one critical truth of reality television: The spot between the publicly shamed cheater and the TV camera isn't the smartest place to stand.


BEAVIS AND BUTT-HEAD (MTV)

Mike Judge's classic rumination on wasteoid kids stands out for being insipid, yet inspired. Beavis and Butt-head were willfully demented little pyromaniacs, but they were also potent symbols of suburban entropy. And they said ''penis'' a lot.


MAN VS. BEAST (Fox)

Oh Fox, you shameless hussies, here you are again. The beast specials degraded all involved by pitting, for example, an elephant against a cadre of little people to — actually, we're not even going to tell you what they did. It was that bad.


TITANS (NBC)

How insane was Aaron Spelling's short-lived nighttime soap? Picture the scene: Yasmine Bleeth walks down the aisle on her wedding day, escorted by ex-lover Casper Van Dien, to marry Casper's dad. Just as he's about to give her away, she whispers to him, ''I'm pregnant — and it's your baby.''


THE SWAN (Fox)

Why would Fox (the undisputed duke of dumb) build up its Franken-babes through extensive plastic surgery, then tear them down with a beauty pageant? Because there's nothing like carving up your face and body for a national audience, then being told you're still not pretty enough.

---

As for Beavis & Butthead, it's called satire, EW. Look it up in the dictionary. In the meantime, have you guys ever heard of any of the shows listed below, all better candidates than B & B for this failure of a list? Here are 25, but I could easily come up with 50.

1. American Idol
2. Home Improvement
3. I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here!
4. Keeping Up With The Kardashians
5. Denise Richards - It's Complicated
6. Celebrity Boxing
7. Paradise Hotel (and PH2)
8. Dancing With The Stars
9. Survivor
10. According To Jim
11. The Girls Next Door
12. The Simple Life
13. Two And A Half Men
14. Kid Nation
15. Midget Nation
16. Judge Judy (and 5-6 other fake court shows I won't even count)
17. Deal Or No Deal
18. American Chopper
19. Speeders
20. World's Wildest ______ (Police Chases, Shootouts, Police Videos, whatever)
21. My Mother The Car
22. Are You Hot?
23. Howard Stern Show
24. Love Boat: The Next Wave
25.
Jerry Springer

26 comments:

  1. Yeah, if they're going to include the moniker "Of All Time", they need to pay more attention to the unwatchables of Days Gone By, like Quark, On The Air, and Cop Rock.

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  2. Of the 45 shows listed here from both their list and yours, I have only seen 5 of them. I'm thinking that's probably a good thing. :)

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  3. I am ashamed to admit that both my husband and 11 year old son LOVE that lame ass Hole in the wall show.

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  4. It's sad to see what George Takei has become. He used to be such an ubermensch in Star Trek and now he's just a pussy.

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  5. Reality shows shouldn't even be included because 99.9% of them are pure drivel. Wipeout, however, is hysterical.

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  6. I stopped after I saw "Hole In The Wall." The first time I saw a commercial for it, I nearly stroked out. WTF? WTF'ingF?

    We are SO becoming "Idiocracy".

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  7. Pink Lady and Jeff (NBC, 1980). How'd that show ever last a whole SIX episodes?!

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  8. I didn't understand why Beavis and Butthead were on that list, either. I actually think Mike Judge is somewhat of a genius.

    That, and I spent countless hours during college trying to perfect my Beavis imitation.

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  9. How about "Blind Justice"

    Such a let down after NYPD blue.

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  10. Tantie - I said the exact same thing to my wife after we saw that commercial. "What's next?" I said. "'Ow, My Balls'?" Didn't love that movie but it had its moments.

    LVGurl - Mike Judge is a genius for sure. I love just about everything he does.

    They could also put that Glenn Frey show on this list, the one where he was a detective or something. Lasted one episode. Can't remember the name. Sunset Nights or something like that.

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  11. Ditto to what you said about Mike Judge. I mean, seriously? What douchebags for putting that on that list.

    Simple Life, check. Kardashians, check. Home Improvement, *gunshot*

    Though I admit to liking the truTV stuff. Can't peel myself away from that shit for some reason.

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  12. Mike Judge, a genius? Okey dokey! Whatever you guys say! I find Beavis and Butthead about as entertaining as a dose of the clap, but, you know...whatever floats your boat. ;)

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  13. Prior to The Hills there was Laguna Beach: The Real Orange County. BWHAHAHAHA. What a bullshit show. My son went to school with these snotty little imbecilic twerps. I knew those kids. (Thank God the show aired the year after my son graduated or else he maybe would’ve been seen milling around and become one of these snotty little imbecilic twerps.) The thing is - anyone with a glimpse of brain knows that even wealthy towns have normal people behind the façade. Not that I’ve ever been accused of being normal, mind you.

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  14. Mary, I've never had the clap, so I wouldn't know. Is it as bad as they say?

    Heh.

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  15. I always thought C.H.I.P.S. was stupid and pointless. It still makes me want to retch thinking about it. It also makes me feel old. ;)

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  16. Hole in the wall annoys me. The Japanese version (The original one) is exactly the same thing. Fox sucks.

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  17. yea to put beavis and butthead on this is as stupid as the shows they listed. i starting watching that when it was a short on liquid television on mtv.

    actually my list of stupid is longer than the the ones i think are intelligent and/or watchable!

    my list:

    everything on vh1
    sorry but to see so many girls do such stupid things for flavor flav?!? why? he looks like shrunken raisin. or brintey or liza at home, ick.

    every 'reality show' with the exception the first 48, thats real reality.
    watching people eat maggots or betray their fellows for money is NOT my idea of fun entertainment.

    any of the 'swap' shows, nanny shows, the makeover shows, dating shows especially the one where the girl was to marry the fat slob much to the chagrin of her unknowing family, blech.
    fake court shows
    the maury povich/jerry springer types show where its either a make over for the slutty family members or the baby's dna show or she ran away with my mommy.
    ugh, please tv at its lowest common denominator, drooling idiocy.
    its like the three walled arguement tv program in the book Fahrenheit 451. scary.

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  18. When we (me and the family) were at the beach last week there was a biker rally (didn't know that when we planned the vacation, but I've been in rougher crowds) and not a single one of the bikers had on Orange County Choppers (American Chopper) anything.

    My husband and I have a friend who lives within 30 minutes of OCC, he's into bikes, and he thinks their douches.

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  19. Wipeout is a lame ripoff of Spike's Most Extreme Elimination Challenge, which simply consists of footage of a Japanese game show which they've dubbed English dialogue over. It's MUCH funnier. I wish I had cable. If you do, watch that instead.

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  20. I don't know about the rest of those, but Americas Funniest Home Videos is pretty good to me.

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  21. T.J Hooker had to be the lamest cop show ever. William Shatner and Adrian Zmed? Really?

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  22. THE ALL TIME DUMBEST SHOW ON TELEVISION HAS GOT TO BE FACT OR FAKED/PARANORMAL FILES. EITHER IT IS A REALLY BAD COMADY OR THESE PEOPLE ARE TOO STUPID TO SEE THAT THEY ARE MAKING FOOLS OF THEMSELVES.

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  23. How about those repo shows...omg....I cringe when I accidently stumble upon one...

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  24. the big c is the stupidest show i have ever seen. and americas funniest home videos. yanks laugh at anything.

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