Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Newspaper Headlines Of The Day

A great list idea from LOTD newcomer Collaroy.

Along with trace amounts of junk in his groin


"He seemed really tense," she said.

And then teach him how to wipe

Let us know how that goes

And discovers the sound of one hand clapping

The whore has a point

"Smells like ass," they say.

Living in Utah must be rougher than I imagined

Here, put one in your hands. They love it.

"Pinches off a giant piece of weekend box office."

Seaman shoots... he scores!

Police let him go with a warning and some Tic Tacs

Explosive issue finally reaches satisfying conclusion

But Nike still kisses his ass

Do you have a permit for that thing?

They celebrate with dinner at the Y

She's gonna be busy

Over $10,000 raised for the Eyeless Children Fund

In related news, local man gives birth to 11 biscuits

What are the odds?

"... and find it difficult to fit in."

Then farts, rolls over and goes to sleep

Then, not surprisingly, lied about taking it in the butt

Photos from Oddee.com, CollegeHumor.com, Flickr.com.


  1. Head shaking all over the place...


    Hallie :)

  2. Shook head so hard... lost mind.

    Where are the editors when this stuff happens? Or do they think they're being creative & clever?

  3. Those are hilarious!! I think the Utah poison one has a word photoshopped out at the end.

  4. hahahahaha! My sister had sent me the one about great tits. I was hoping scientists had found a cure for those annoying THOs.

  5. It's hard to just pick one to comment on...they are all so great!

    "Chick Accuses"...that, that right there...is all sorts of awesome. I laughed out at that one and then ran to the back of the house to make sure I didn't wake the kids.

    Thanks for the laugh!!

  6. Are these your comments, Cary? Or Collaroy's? Either way, hats off to you...they're freakin' hilarious. I totally lost it when I read "They celebrate dinner at the Y." You are too funny for your own good. :)

  7. Still not sure what's funnier, the headlines or your commentary.

    Re: Lady Jacks -- I've learned that when talking about someone named Jack, one must be very conscious about what one is saying.

  8. And newspapers wonder why their readership is down.


  9. One of your best lists! Too damn funny! :D

  10. No way is that short-eating drunk 18 years old....

    Thanks, those were fabulous!

  11. you forgot this one!!

    Cumming hailed as inspiration to gay youth

  12. Thank you.

    Tantie.... now that you mention it, yep, I think so too. I bet more than one of these are 'Shopped.

    Holly... if you like the comments, they're mine. If you don't, they're Collaroy's.

    Anon... good one.

  13. "Smells like ass", geez Cary, you made me snort water out of my nose. Attractive, huh?? Your comments make my day...oh and the articles are pretty funny too!

  14. Love it! Useless factoid: Big Beaver Road is exit 69 (seriously) off I-75 in metro Detroit...

  15. "Nice beaver."

    "Thank you. I just had it stuffed."

    We have a Beaver Ruin Road here in Atlanta... well, in the 'burbs. Lots of families up there. Big families with lots of kids.

  16. You know, something just dawned on me. If I were a beaver, I'd be pretty dadgum pissed that someone turned my name into a euphemism for vaj. Nothing against the vaj, mind you, but wouldn't suck if every time someone mentioned your name, people got that bemused look in their eyes and a couple of jokers in the room started snickering? I'd wonder why they didn't pick something more suitable, like camel or turtle or llama or yak.

  17. Nice.

    Great Tits can be found in Britain. There are also Blue Tits there, most obviously in winter.

    Looks like someone is nibbling Johnny's chocolate factory opening... Oh, wait, he always looks like that.

    Sitting on your hands is not a recommended way to generate a sperm donation. They should ask Tiger for tips...

    Ladies jacking off should help newspaper circulation more than a scratch and sniff whiff of colon.

    Those Aussie camouflage painters are REALLY GOOD at it.

  18. "more suitable, like camel or turtle or llama or yak" ???!!!


    (she gasps for breath)

    HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! snicker, giggle, giggle, wheeze, whoo, ha ha ha

    (tears are streaming, her sides hurt, she falls off the chair, and the dog comes running over to check on her with a look of concern on his face)

    You must have known some interesting women in your time, Cary!!!

    Thanks for brightening my day with that one! Oh my! :D

  19. LOL!

    Big Beaver (Road) is ten minutes from my house. I literally snorted.

    A little geographic trivia to add... Big Beaver is also Exit 69 when you exit I-75 in suburban Detroit.

  20. ha! one of my very good friends is the naked kfc protester on the right! :) awesome. we went to 4th grade together 16 yrs ago and hang out to this day.

  21. I have one headline mailed to me by my mother years ago that says "The squishy stuff it diapers is fireproof"

  22. I personally think the term "yak" would be more fun. Especially if one decides not to *ahem* excessively groom...it'd be a more accurate description.

  23. Very funny man!
    keep up the good work!



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