Thursday, May 15, 2008

Velvet Paintings Of The Day

Velvet: It's not just for Elvis anymore.


k.d. lang

Jesus with Gene Simmons dressed as Elvis. Notice which one has the angelic glow.

Speaking of Jesus, here He is watching over a big rig. Or maybe it's just a big rig carrying a giant Jesus statue to Heritage USA. Or maybe it's not Jesus at all, but an Allman brother, showing us the model truck he just finished building.

Not Jesus, but close: Willie Nelson. With Elvis' shades.

Kenny on velvet. A no-brainer.

Celebrate our Native American heritage with a disembodied polar bear head with footless claws in place of a lower jaw, as worn by Garry Shandling.

Here's one for your entryway: Monica with fertilized dress. A real conversation starter.

This was falsely billed as a Neil Diamond collage. I see two Neils, but I don't know who the fuck that is on the bottom left.

Another Kenny, this time in profile and denim. If you think his eye looks too high, you're thinking about old Kenny, not new Kenny.

Phil Spector - why? Honestly, I think someone just wanted to paint his hair.

I was going to apologize that this painting of Lionel Richie is blurred, but that's actually a good thing.

Marilyn MAN-roe... tranny version.

Chimps make horrible dealers.

Another Kenny, or Michael McDonald. Take your pick.

Hank, Jr. Whoever commissioned this probably asked for "Hank with a necklace." Instead, they got Hank, neckless.

One for the kid's room. This ought to help them get to sleep at night.

Whoa. It's the love child of Kenny Rogers and Dom DeLuise.

Twenty years ago, Don Johnson woulda kicked somebody's ass for this

It's-a crap!

Finally, the pièce de résistance: Mr. Charles Nelson Reilly


  1. Frankly I think I would kill for a Charles Nelson Reilly done in velvet. Priceless!

  2. That makes two of us, Kim Langston. I don't think it's for sale, sadly, but I bet you can commission one. I'd have to choose between Charles or Bea Arthur.

  3. Never play poker with Ed Asner, that cheating chimp!

  4. OMG!!!! These just got better and better as I scrolled down! I would pay a lot of money to walk into a house where one of these is being displayed. I mean, seriously. Phil Specter's hair rocked the house down too.

  5. I also want the Charles Nelson Reilly.

    It deserves to hang on my wall next to my Nipsey Russell and Gene Rayburn.


  6. Oh Cary, this is comedy gold!


  7. Don Johnson? My gut says Kevin Nealon.

  8. The only thing missing from this fine collection is a Dale Earnhardt, Sr. portrait.

  9. These are classic. I can't believe you found the offspring of Elvis and Jimmy Carter (second photo down). And the Charles Nelson Reilly? Where can I get a few of those?

  10. Here's the dealio, if you just had one or two of these at home, you would be a dorkus, but if you had the whole damn collection you would be a legend for sure...

  11. i wonder what it says of me that I happen to own a velvet Elvis - complete with a tear.

  12. Did you know about these guys in Portland OR?

    No gallery on the website, but it looks like they have a book coming out.

    BTW, the Charles Nelson Reilly one is awesome. I wonder, does one have to be of a certain age to even know who he is?

  13. I want one of Jesus watching over a tractor. :P

  14. I love Charles Nelson Reilly as much as the next gal, but where's The Duke???

  15. CC - you scared him off with your "penis shriveler."

  16. The Neil on the bottom left appears to be Neil YOUNG, as opposed to the Diamond Neil. Easy to confuse those two.

  17. I never knew Kenny Rogers could inspire so many pieces of bad artwork. I've seen Velvises, and plenty of Velvet Our Lady of Guadalupes, but never so many freaky renditions of Kenny Rogers (pre- or post-bad plastic surgery). Truly, I am sheltered.

  18. The bottom-left Neil is actually George McGovern.

    I wonder about the first guy (or gal) who said, "You know, that would look great on a fuzzy black background."

  19. Perhaps the Neil painter got mixed up with Neil Young.
    Charles Nelson Reilly - perfect but needs Brett Summers to bookend the glasses.

  20. I saw this museum on that travel/cooking show with Anthony Bordain. It's lovely!

  21. Mwahhhh. I want the Charles Nelson Reilly.

    The next to last comment: priceless.

    The man on the lower left of the Neil Diamond? Jimmy Hoffa, ya dummies.

  22. ha, ha....Cary - I'm off to commission a velvet portrait of myself giving the PS look. Guess what you're getting for Christmas? ;-)

  23. cary, somewhere in mississippi, a trailer park is missing their artwork...

  24. The Tiger one has the best caption.

  25. That last Kenny reminds me of Will Sasso's impersonation of him on Mad TV a few years back....

  26. Oh man hahaha, I love this. As an art student I actually really love working on velvet because it holds pastel strokes in an interesting way, but I didn't know until recently the kitschy history behind it. This was very...enlightening. And hilarious.

    Shameless self promotion of my own velvet pieces:

  27. I would half to say my favorite painting is the monkey playing poker. It made my day. :)



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