Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Guest List: Stupid Questions About Reproduction

Today's Guest List is from the inimitable Princess Pi, who works in the wild n' wacky field of reproductive medicine. I'll hand the mic over to her now...

Stupid reproductive medicine questions

The patients aren't stupid, but the questions most definitely are. Anyone who said “There’s no such thing as stupid questions” was stupid themselves, and was probably just repeating what their mama always said to them whilst growing up so they wouldn’t feel as stupid as they actually were.

1. Do I have to hold my breath during my entire ultrasound appointment?

This particular ultrasound appointment was for a DUS -- Penile Doppler Ultrasound -- and lasts for 30 minutes.

2. Is it possible that my saliva killed my husband’s sperm?

3. Conversation between me and a patient:

Me: Prior to coming in for your semen analysis test, you need to abstain from ejaculation for at least two days, but no more than four days.

Patient: But how am I supposed to do that? I haven’t ejaculated in two weeks, and my wife’s not with me.

Me: Then you can masturbate.

Patient: Masturbate? How do I do that? I’ve never done that before.

No, unfortunately, he wasn’t kidding.

4. Where’s the VIP waiting room?

5. This isn’t a question, but it is pretty frickin’ stupid. A patient called and said he was experiencing pain. He was asked to describe the pain.

Patient: "Well, it starts like a circle, then turns into a square, and then...it's a porkchop."

Pause.

Medical staff: "It's shaped like a porkchop?"

Patient: "No, it's a porkchop."

6. Is it possible to extract sperm from someone who’s been deceased for one week if he hasn’t been buried yet and has been kept in a refrigerator?

A question from an attorney in London.

News Story Of The Day: Dookie Facials

What company makes this cream? L'Orifice? Essence of Booty? Burt's B-hole?

From Vaniqua, via The Huffington Post.

Would You Put This Crap On Your Face?


Women have long been known to go to great lengths for that perfect, milky white and luminous complexion. But some New Yorkers are taking it just one step further.

According to the New York Post: For just $216, Shizuka Bernstein will slather your face in feces for a full 50 minutes - what she calls the "Geisha Facial" - at her Midtown spa, Shizuka New York.

The ancient Japanese cleanser - geishas and kabuki dancers have been using the bird poop to wash off their heavy white makeup since the 18th century - contains guanine, which supposedly removes pollutants and blackheads, and helps even out skin tone.

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Tina Louise Photos Of The Day

TheMovieGuru linked me to this blog, where I found a few cool retro pics of Tina Louise (Ginger on "Gilligan's Island"). Mary Ann, my ass. Tina is HAWT.






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Great Moments In Home Shopping TV


I love live TV






(From Tech TV, not home shopping, but it's too damn funny not to include)







Early Mike Rowe








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Tuesday, April 29, 2008

News Story Of The Day: Penis Theft

Well, this is troubling. Thanks, Carly and Keva, for giving us a heads up. I'll be keeping a hand in my pants at all times now, not just when I'm watching TV.

Penis theft panic hits city

Wed Apr 23, 2008
1:06pm EDT

By Joe Bavier

KINSHASA (Reuters) - Police in Congo have arrested 13 suspected sorcerers accused of using black magic to steal or shrink men's penises after a wave of panic and attempted lynchings triggered by the alleged witchcraft.

Reports of so-called penis snatching are not uncommon in West Africa, where belief in traditional religions and witchcraft remains widespread, and where ritual killings to obtain blood or body parts still occur.

Rumors of penis theft began circulating last week in Kinshasa, Democratic Republic of Congo's sprawling capital of some 8 million inhabitants. They quickly dominated radio call-in shows, with listeners advised to beware of fellow passengers in communal taxis wearing gold rings.

Purported victims, 14 of whom were also detained by police, claimed that sorcerers simply touched them to make their genitals shrink or disappear, in what some residents said was an attempt to extort cash with the promise of a cure.

"You just have to be accused of that, and people come after you. We've had a number of attempted lynchings ... You see them covered in marks after being beaten," Kinshasa's police chief, Jean-Dieudonne Oleko, told Reuters on Tuesday.

Police arrested the accused sorcerers and their victims in an effort to avoid the sort of bloodshed seen in Ghana a decade ago, when 12 suspected penis snatchers were beaten to death by angry mobs.

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Celebs You Forgot Or Didn't Realize Were Dead

No one forgets that Marilyn Monroe, John Wayne and John Belushi are dead. But what about lower-tier celebs? Did you know Shirley Hemphill was dead? No. See?

Here's a random and by no means complete list of some dead celebs you might have forgotten about. Most of them died young. You'll need hands and feet to count all the cancer victims.



Shirley Hemphill
Actor ("What's Happening!"); 1999, kidney failure


Laura Branigan
Singer ("Gloria"); 2004, aneurysm


Chris Penn
Actor (Reservoir Dogs); 2006, heart failure


Paul Davis
Singer ("I Go Crazy"); 2008 (last week), heart attack


Bill Bixby
Actor ("The Incredible Hulk"); 1993, cancer


Carl "Alfalfa" Switzer
Child actor ("The Little Rascals"); 1959, murdered



Gregory Hines
Dancer, actor (White Nights); 2003, cancer


Lee Remick
Actor (The Omen); 1991, cancer


Brad Renfro
Actor (The Client); 2007, drug overdose


Michelle Thomas
Actor ("Family Matters"); 1998, cancer


Luther Vandross
Singer ("Here And Now"); 2005, stroke


David Graf
Actor (Police Academy series); 2001, heart attack


Fred "Rerun" Berry
Actor ("What's Happening!"); 2003, stroke


Merritt Butrick
Actor (Star Trek: The Wrath Of Khan); 1989, AIDS


Nell Carter
Actor ("Gimme A Break"); 2003, diabetes


John Cazale
Actor (The Godfather); 1978, cancer


Brad Davis
Actor (Midnight Express); 1991, assisted suicide (while dying of AIDS)


Paul Gleason
Actor (The Breakfast Club); 2006, cancer


Mary Frann
Actor ("Newhart"); 1998, heart failure


Doug Henning
Magician; 2000, cancer


Anita Morris
Actor (Ruthless People); 1994, cancer



Michelle Parma
Reality show cast member ("Road Rules" Season 3 - Europe); 2002, car accident


J.T. Walsh
Actor (A Few Good Men); 1998, heart attack


J.J. Jackson
Original MTV VJ; 2004, heart attack


Anne Bancroft
Actor (The Graduate); 2005, cancer


Douglas Kenney
Writer/actor (Animal House - co-wrote and played "Stork"); 1980, accidental fall from cliff


Terry Lester
Actor ("The Young & The Restless"); 2003, heart attack


Moose
Canine actor ("Frasier") - 2006, old age (16)


Jonathan Brandis
Actor ("SeaQuest DSV"); 2003, suicide


Lani O'Grady
Actor ("Eight Is Enough"); 2001, drug overdose


Ben Orr
Musician/singer (The Cars); 2000, cancer


Rebecca Schaeffer
Actor (
"My Sister Sam"); 1989, murdered by obsessive fan


Robert Urich
Actor ("Vega$"); 2002, cancer


Wayland Flowers
Puppeteer ("Wayland & Madame"); 1988, AIDS


Jim Varney
Actor ("Ernest"); 2000, cancer


Dan Fogelberg
Singer ("Leader Of The Band"); 2007, cancer



Bert Convy
Actor & TV host ("Tattletales"); 1991, cancer


STILL ALIVE


Abe Vigoda
Actor ("Barney Miller," The Godfather)

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Commercial Of The Day: Penguins

Keeorp sent me a link to this story a while back, but the commercial just made it to YouTube. A good one from The BBC. Wow! Who knew?

Incidentally... the spot premiered on April 1st.



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Vid Of The Day: Iggy Does Madonna

Iggy Pop covers Madonna on her Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame induction show. Huh.. Madonna in the R&R Hall of Hame... did they run out of slots in the Talentless Ho-Bag Hall Of Fame?

The vid is from TheMovieGuru, who defiantly claims that this is the worst musical performance he's ever seen on TV. Luckily for him, he's too young to remember The Osmonds.

Enjoy (?) with the sound down because Iggy screams some cuss words.


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Postcards From Yo Momma

These are great: selections from Postcards From Yo Momma, a site that publishes reader-submitted e-mails from (and IM conversations with) their moms. Some are scolds, some are confessions, some are guilt trips, but all are just so... mom.

Visit the site for many more.



























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