Thursday, March 20, 2008

News Story Of The Day: Man Caught Masturbating Outside Wal-Mart

I guess some people get really excited about low prices.

Wow. That joke sucked. So I direct you to the ironic name of the reporter for a laugh.


Many thanks to Karen for the link.

Man caught masturbating outside new Wal-Mart

by Catie O'Toole
Monday March 10, 2008, 11:45 AM

Oswego County, NY - Not everyone who attended Wal-Mart Supercenter's grand opening this weekend was there to shop.

Several people called the Oswego County 911 Center sometime after 8 p.m. Sunday after seeing a man masturbating in a pickup truck in the parking lot of the new Wal-Mart on state Route 3 in Granby, state police said. When troopers arrived, they found John D. Gates masturbating in the passenger's seat of his 1991 Ford Ranger pick-up truck.

"Arriving patrols found Gates sitting in the passenger seat of his vehicle while he was still attempting to complete the act," state police said in an e-mail. "Gates was in plain view of customers that were leaving the store."

Gates, of 3296 Main St., Mexico, was arrested on the following charges: Public lewdness, criminal possession of a controlled substance (possessing hydrocodone tablets without a prescription) and unlawful possession of marijuana.

Here's a photo of the little chicken-choker...


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26 comments:

  1. Guess this is better than next to me on a plane.

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  2. Its like a dark Michael Jackson

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  3. Audra - Not sure I get it, but it sounds funny.

    GB - next to you on a plane? Gross. What kind of cretin would do such a thing? I always go into the lavatory to do that.

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  4. I have a blog about it from February - Self Love on a Plane

    It was a Christian man named Chuck.

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  5. Wow. Talk about Snake On A Plane, eh? No one had to ask him to put his tray in a full upright position, I guess.

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  6. That poor guy looks like he has a really small one. Did the authorities mention how small it was?

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  7. My, my he looks happy. BLECH!

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  8. Or maybe that's his "O" face.

    He's lucky the cops caught him and not some father coming out of Wal Mart with his child(ren). I'd snap his pervy little neck.

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  9. I'd rather do the tattoo buddies at the same time, than that pug lookin' mo fo! (I'm just sayin', he's that gross-I do not find the redneck and his spawn attractive!)

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  10. They just caught his long lost brother in Oregon, although he had a more discriminating taste and was doing it inside a Target.

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  11. Not only is John a looker, but he's got brains to match. Main Street, Mexico?

    John is another good reason to avoid Walmart.

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  12. His facial expression reminds me of one of Michael Jackson's faces. Maybe a late 90's face. However this guy is clearly darker :P

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  13. http://www.imagemole.com/img/t1_michael_jackson.jpg

    Maybe kinda this one

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  14. He looks so happy it's scary. The expression, his face, it's like what I've always imagined a pedo would look like.

    "Come here, little boy"

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  15. Oh that's a creepy motherfucker right there. Nasty.

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  16. Based on that smile, I'm guessing he finished.

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  17. How do I clean barf out of my keyboard???????

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  18. Is he related to PeeWee Herman?

    ickIckICK!

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  19. Yup, he looks just like the kind of guy that would beat off in a wal-mart parking lot. Probably lives in the parking lot too, with all the other savory residents.

    The Target guy threw cum all over a lady and her young daughter, I don't know if he had freshly "made" it or if he brought it from home.

    I can't believe all people did was call the police, you bet his ass would be drug out of his pickup right quick if a dad would have caught him. Then I'd help kick.

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  20. So very ewww. However, he doen'tlook like he's up there, IQ-wise. Poor dude didn't even notice the cops before they caught him with his pants down! Low-functioning peopleneed to be taught that it's ok to do it, just not out in public:)

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  21. Oh I see, he's the bad guy because he's sitting in the privacy of his own truck masturbating. And I thought this was America!

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  22. Yes it is, Mr. Steve Hatchett.. which gives me the right to snap off his dick and shove it down his throat.

    WORD!

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  23. Steve Hatchett I don't quite think that is what is meant by life liberty and the pursuit of happiness

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  24. "...he's sitting in the privacy of his own truck masturbating"

    The problem is, it's not private, obviously, because he was on publicly used property and people could see him or this story would never have happened. Nothing private about that!

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  25. Cary...you are my hero! Not only are you willing to take on masturbating Walmartians, but you look damn good in that itty bitty swimsuit!!!

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  26. Thanks, CourteousChihuahua - I do love my Speedo. I think it complements my mullet perfectly. My family won't accompany me to the beach anymore, but that's ok. Great taste often results in alienation from those who cannot appreciate it.

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