Saturday, March 15, 2008

20 Worst Lyrics Of All Time


. "If I was a sculptor/But then again, no."
("Your Song" by Elton John, lyrics by Bernie Taupin.)

"I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind, that I ran out of words."

19. "Lucky that my breasts/Are small and humble/So you don't confuse/Them with mountains." ("Whenever, Wherever" by Shakira).

Humble? No breasts should be humble. They should be loud and proud.

18. "I love you like a fat kid loves cake"
("21 Questions" by 50 Cent).

This belongs on the Best Lyrics list, not the Worst Lyrics list.

17. "There's an insect/In your ear/If you scratch/It won't disappear" ("Staring at the Sun" by U2.).

That insect is this horrible song in your ear. I like U2, but this song (and LP, "Pop") suuuuuucks.

16. "Relentless lust of rotting flesh/To thrash the tomb she lies/Heathen whore of Satan's wrath/I spit at your demise"
("Necrophiliac" by Slayer).

And you were expecting...?

15. "Leaving was never my proud"
("Leaving New York" by R.E.M.).

Great song, crappy line. Making up words was never Michael Stipe's proud.

14. "I ain't never seen/An ass like that/The way you move it/You make my pee-pee go 'doing-doing-doing'"
("Ass Like That" by Eminem).

If my pee-pee was going
"doing-doing-doing", I'd have it checked.

13. "There were plants and birds and rocks and things"
("Horse With No Name" by America).

If you found a big steaming pile of dog shit on your rug, could you really isolate one turd and call it the worst of the pile? Doubtful. This entire song is one long, awful lyric, but surely "In the desert/You can remember your name/Cuz there ain't no one for to give you no pain," rivals, if not tops,
"plants and birds and things."

12. "Time is like a clock in my heart"
("Clock Of The Heart" by Culture Club).

As I recall, writing quality lyrics was never a priority for this band. Or most any band in the 80s.

11. "I wish it was Sunday/That's my fun day/My I-don't-have-to-run day" ("Manic Monday" by The Bangles, lyrics by Prince).

This song always struck me as something Prince scribbled on a napkin while waiting in bed for Kim Basinger or Appolonia to come out of the bathroom and lick his balls.

10. "I'm all out of faith/This is how I feel"
("Torn" by Natalie Imbruglia, lyrics by Anne Preven).

This is how you feel? Really? The lyrical equivalent of someone saying, "I'm just saying," after they have said something.

9. "Now you're amazed/By the VIP posse/Steppin' so hard/Like a German Nazi" ("Play That Funky Music" by Vanilla Ice).

May he never record again. Ever.

8. "My panty line shows/Got a run in my hose/My hair went flat/Man, I hate that" ("Honey, I'm Home" by Shania Twain).

Sounds like the kinds of things my first-grader writes in essays for school. But she doesn't talk about panties or hose.

7. "I don't think that I've got the stomach/To stomach calling you today"
("See You" by Saves The Day)


6. "Your butt is mine"
("Bad" by Michael Jackson)

As Spinner says, the worst opening line in music history. And he probably wrote it thinking of a Cub Scout.

5. "But if this ever-changing world in which we live in ..." ("Live And Let Die" by Paul McCartney And Wings)

Oh, Sir Paul knew it was bad grammar. Sir Paul did not care. Because he is Sir Paul, and he can write whatever the hell he wants. And you will like it. Because he is Sir Paul.

4. "Young, black and famous/With money hangin' out the anus" ("Can't Nobody Hold Me Down" by Puff Daddy and Mase)

The same place all Puff's lyrics come from.

3. "I don't like cities/But I like New York/Other places/Make me feel like a dork" ("I Love New York" by Madonna)

"I don't like Madonna/But I like New York/Her lame-ass music/Makes me wanna hork."

2. "War is stupid/And people are stupid"
("War Song" by Culture Club)

This song is stupid.

1. "Coast to coast/L.A. to Chicago" ("Smooth Operator" by Sade)

Maybe she meant the coast of Lake Michigan.


  1. "I'm singing this note 'cause it fits in well,With the chords I'm playing"
    (Gettin in Tune, Who's Next)

    *umm duh*

    This is one of my favorites songs, mainly for the simplicity of the opening line. I can't help it I love it! LOL

  2. I love that album, but Gettin' isn't one of the better songs on it. Still, it's better than "My Wife." Ick.

  3. Good morning, Cary. This isn't about the song lyrics list, but I have to comment on your mug shot of the day today. Wow--that is one scary looking dude. I wouldn't mess with that guy. I have a feeling he has some real anger issues. He's got Charlie Manson eyes! 8-O

  4. He looks like Hercule Poirot's demented brother.

  5. One that really annoys me for no apparent reason is Toby Keith, Love me if you can

    "I'm a man of my convictions. Call me wrong, call me right. But I bring my better angels to every fight."

    Do they have second string angels?

  6. Audra, he's quoting Abraham Lincoln. I knew I had heard the phrase before but could not place it, so I looked it up. From Lincoln's first inaugural address:

    "The mystic chords of memory stretching from every battlefield and patriot grave to every living heart and hearthstone, all over this broad land, will yet swell the chorus of the organ when again touched, as surely they will be by the better angels of our nature."

    I only remembered it because Ken Burns used it as a chapter title in "The Civil War" miniseries.

    Now see you all, you've learned something. And you thought LOTD was nothing but fart jokes and insults.

    Speaking of.. Toby Keith is a moron.

  7. I vote Thong Song:
    "She had dumps like a truck, truck, truck"

  8. There are no worse lyrics than Wham: "I'm never gonna dance again/Guilty feet have got no rhythm."

  9. Where's the squealing rodents of Muksrat Love? I don't mean the actual rodents we get to hear gettin' freaky.

  10. Wow look at you all smrt like that. I didn't figure country songs would have historical value. When I posted that I thought, Man this is going to be from some famous speech that I have never heard of, and it was. *shamey face*

    I will submit another one then from 98 degrees. I hate when they try to hard for a rhyme

    "It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to lie
    To show no emotion when you start to cry"

  11. When I worked at a pub as a cook, they used to play some pretty bland music during the day. Pretty much anything by Sade was popular.
    It was at that time I came up with a new title for the above song.

    "Moose Masturbator".

    I thank you.

  12. I wish I had money hanging out MY anus.

  13. I love your vision of Prince as he wrote he lyrics. Also, your opinion of what Michael Jackson might have been thinking of was hysterical!

  14. I would've voted for "Hold me closer Tony Danza" until I found out Elton was really singing "Hold me closer tiny dancer." Okay, I still vote for it .... very stupid and pedophile-ish. ... Barbra Peapod

    (BTW, I noticed you added me to your list o'friends. Muchas grassy ass!)

  15. much with the lyrics, that picture of Madonna (was that really Madonna?) made made my diet Coke come out my nose. Funny, Funny Stuff...glad you survived the tornado.

  16. I love that 50 Cent Lyric. You can really picture a fat kid's amorous expression as the other kids sing "Happy Birthday..."

  17. Um, that Elton John lyric is:
    I hope you don't mind
    I hope you don't mind that I put down in words
    How wonderful life is while you're in the world.

    Which is kinda nice. Totally agree on the sculptor line. If you're going to think, 'but then again, no' your next thought should be, 'so I'll just leave that bit out of the song, then.'

    I don't care if Torn has one redundant line...I love that song!

  18. Yes, thank you, Chosha. I was being sarcastic. I do that occasionally.

  19. That stupid Paula Cole song," say a little prayer for I". Terrible!

  20. i always get to the good posts late but this reminds me of a Dave Barry quote "If you were riding through the desert on a horse with no name, why not name the horse you aren't doing much else!" might not be the exact quote but you get the point

  21. I believe the correct lyric in "Live And Let Die" is, "...if this ever-changing world in which we're livin'..." Still a bad lyric, but at least not as bad grammatically...

  22. "Cuz there ain't no one for to give you no pain"

    I'd rather have a bottle.



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