Not to overdo the whole masturbation thing (see video below), but I just saw this and it's funny. Damn those Onion writers! I envy their talent.

(click headline for full story)

As A Working Mom, It's Hard To Find Time To Masturbate

As a single mother of three with a full-time career, I've got a lot on my plate. Between making the children's breakfast in the morning and making...

"I just keep telling myself, "That's okay, Sheryl. Tomorrow you can take the afternoon off and run a bath, light some candles, and tease your engorged vulva to thoughts of that carpenter who put in our basement molding. Tomorrow."

Videos Of The Day

Good stuff from readers today. All contain potentially offensive content.

"If Business Meetings Were Like Internet Forums," from Seth.



From DeAnne, this naughty little State of The Union address.



And from Hugh Drack, a classic (2000) clip from HBO's Chris Rock Show that aired after Halle Berry was arrested for slamming an SUV into another car and fleeing the scene.