Great stuff from Heder
Subj: YOU PISSED ON MY FLOOR!
Date: 2007-05-07, 1:23AM EDT
so I know things weren't going well. I tried to break up nicely a lot of times. I really didn't want to hurt you, but neither of us were happy. We were both miserable infact. I'm sorry it didn't work out. It would have been lovely if we had both fallen madly and passionately in love- but we didn't. it needed to end.
all of that, however doesn't explain why
YOU PISSED ON MY FLOOR
and then you left.
I called to see if you had somehow slipped. I was hoping there was an explanation. You hung up on me.
I'm pretty sure that means you deliberately
PISSED ON MY FLOOR
i don't even know what to say to that. I don't know what to think.
I'm not sure I can protect your dignity anymore.
I need to tell everyone, because it's so fucking crazy.
YOU PISSED ON MY FLOOR.
I have a new rule in my apartment now.
NO PISSING ON THE FLOOR RULE.
it goes like this-
DON'T PISS ON MY FUCKING FLOOR.
thanks for a good laugh though. It's so much better than the cliche shit that ends way too many relationships. I"m sure the next time I break up with someone, I'll be saying
AT LEAST HE DIDN"T PISS ON MY FLOOR.