Wednesday, April 4, 2007

My 70's childhood

Walter Cronkite, Watergate and Vietnam on the news - we'd watch every night, and my dad would just shake his head and mutter, "man oh man." Things like the "Saturday Night Massacre" sounded scary.

Wacky Races - now on Boomerang.

Koogle - flavored peanut butter. Even worse than it sounds.

Grand Funk Railroad - my cousins had all their 8-tracks and "I'm Your Captain/Closer to Home" always had to change program in the middle because it was so F-in long. "I'm getting closer to my hoooo--. Stop. Silence. Click. Silence. Click. Silence. Click. "Hooooooooome...."

The Carol Burnett Show - it was always sad when she started singing the closing song. "I'm so glad we had this time together...."

The '72 Olympics in Munich - I vividly remember watching the news and seeing the video of the guy in the ski mask on the balcony. The world seemed like such a dangerous place.

The Sonny & Cher Show - my dad called them hippies but they made us laugh. My mom had a Cher record with "Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves." I thought they were brother and sister. I couldn't imagine either of them marrying the other. I once saw a magazine ad with them that said, Guess who reads the Bible?

Vertibird - I wish I still had one. Or at least the hours and hours and hours I spent playing it.

The Donny & Marie Show - when we grew up, my sister Gina was going to marry Donny and I was going to marry Marie. If I had, I guess I'd be the man she's divorcing now.

The Flip Wilson Show - Flip was the first man I ever saw in drag. Not counting Grandpa. Geraldine killed.

"The Night The Lights Went Out in Georgia" - a scary song for kids growing up in Georgia at the time. Why does the judge have blood stains on his hands?

Wacky Packages - god I loved these things but could never afford to buy enough to make a complete set. I can now, and they still make them, so I buy ten packs every time I go to Target.

Batman (the live-action TV series with Adam West) - we weren't allowed to watch it after my sister started having nightmares about False Face disguising himself as my mother.

Marathon candy bar - you could eat on that fucker for days

Dark Shadows - another show we were forbidden to watch.. but did anyway. It scared the crap out of us. I wonder if a soap opera about vampires would make it today?

The Banana Splits - I still don't know their names. Fleagle, Beagle, Grouper? Snork? I wanted a big slide and cool cars like they had.

A Quinn Martin Production - Cannon, Barnaby Jones, The FBI. Tonight's episode: Crucible of Fear.

Rock 'em Sock 'em Robots - the ones they brought back a few years ago were much smaller than the originals, and sucked!

The Honeycomb Hideout - I had a treehouse and for a while called it The Honeycomb Hideout until Bill Powell told me that was stupid. So I tossed him over the side and renamed it the Bill Powell High Dive.

Gnip-Gnop - never had it, always wanted it, finally played it at a friend's house and it was lame. Go figure.

Leather Bracelets with your name on them - when you were going with someone, you traded bracelets and wore each other's

The Brady Bunch - every Friday night at 8:00. I still love it, and now my daughter and I watch it together. Yes, it's corny. I don't care.

Battling Tops - My second favorite toy after Vertibird.

Mood Rings
- What a scam. Mine never changed color.

The anti-pollution PSA with the crying Indian. You could say "Indian" in the 70s. Didn't that guy turn out to be Italian or something?

Lincoln Logs - still around today

The Sims
- our backyard neighbors. The kids loved our treehouse. I never liked Mr. Sims, an attorney who owned the house we rented; he was cold and stern. Not long after we moved, his wife shot and killed him. I guess she didn't like him either.

Stretch Armstrong - unbreakable, but not uncuttable. I could tell you what's inside him, but that's something everyone must find out for him or herself.

Electronic Football - a game that was absolutely impossible to control, yet we played it for hours on end. The best part was painting the little guys the colors of your favorite team. Mine was the Dallas Cowboys; now I can't stand them!

ABBA - the blonde was HOT... at least to a 7yo.

The Six Million Dollar Man - he whupped both Maskatron & Sasquatch, but then cried when his girlfriend Jamie Summers died in a tragic skydiving accident. What a wuss.

Barry Manilow - I write the songs, my ass. He didn't even write THAT song!

The Bionic Woman - Jamie Summers resurrected as a hot teacher who ripped a phone book in half to calm unruly kids. She lived in Ojai, California. I wanted to live in Ojai, California.

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