Thursday, September 13, 2007

Great Olan Mills photos

Total frickin' awesomeness from Olan Mills, Sears and other fine portrait studios.


Those glasses came free with a purchase of Brut cologne.


Thoughtful Lance. Mirthful Lance. Two sides of a delightful coin.


Drake won Bitchin'est Senior Mullet by a landslide.


That dude wore a tie for nothing.


The Purvis family made several stops along the Oregon Trail to document their six-month journey. This photo was taken just two weeks before the dysentery took Momma to Jesus.


I wanted a shot like this for my wedding. The Mrs. said no.


It's called a leisure suit, ladies and germs, and if you didn't have one in the early 70s, you were a big fat loser. Mine was teal. I wore it with a silk floral shirt and a long necklace with a football player pendant that we all got at that year's team banquet. I was THE MAN.


It's a vagina, madam, not a clown car.





Olan Mills backdrop #4: Bucolic Meadow with Split Rail Fence. Is that an animal carcass behind her?


Gene had always secretly wanted to lay hands on Chet


Picture day at the asylum


Butt-cut, wings and earmuffs. Classic 70s hair. And that shirt reeks of Chess King.


Oh, this is super. What better way to capture the charm and innocence of a child than to plunk him down amid the coarse trappings of a life lived in pursuit of wealth -- oversized bills, an adding machine and the Wall Street Journal -- and make him sit inside a briefcase? (They probably just fold up the little demon right in there to carry him home.) The finishing touch is the globe, which completes the portrait of the young Antichrist in Club Room vest and Red Goose loafers, plotting his takeover of the world (insert maniacal laugh). That is, as soon as someone changes his poopy diaper.


Bobbi isn't the first waitress to fall for her manager, but she and Dale both got fired from Sonny's.


Rejected Toby Keith album cover.


Just a typical afternoon down on the plantation. In a business suit. Y'know, for a budget meeting with the slaves.



This photo isn't discolored. The 70s really were that yellow.


And don't miss the First Presbyterian Players as they perform "Godspell" next Wednesday night in the Fellowship Hall. Childcare will be provided. Please bring a covered dish.


At the Southern Baptist Convention?




Olan Mills Backdrop #11: The Library, one of their most popular themes, as seen in this photo of the young Unabomber and his wife.


The Library might be more believable if the shelves weren't sloping downhill


Olan Mills is all about versatility. The simple addition of a column turns this generic plantation into Tara, where, apparently, someone opened a Hair Cuttery. (This Dorothy Hamill cut was very popular in 70s after Doro won Olympic gold. Both my sisters had the cut at different times. I did not -- although I did have a huge crush on Dorothy).


Patrick broke ranks and chose drag over the bow tie


You'd think Pearle Vision would throw in another two pairs for free.


Kenneth and his prom date


"The Damned"


I got a 20 that says he drives a Camaro.


Hiroshima, 1945. The last known photo of Kelli and SeƱor Loco.


The Brown family. From Beige-jing.


Someone spent money on this.


It's so cute when couples have matching hairdos


Talk about a third wheel...


Nothing says 1973 quite like denim and helmet hair


I'd hide my face, too, little girl


B-52's, the early years.


Pioneer Woman and her add-a-beads... distracted by the Blue Light Special announcement coming in over the K-Mart loudspeaker.

Got any bad portraits of your own? Olan Mills, Sears, Glamour Shots, Hot Shots, senior portraits? Send them in for possible inclusion in a new book of awesomely bad portraits to be published in the near future. listoftheday@yahoo.com

217 comments:

«Oldest   ‹Older   1 – 200 of 217   Newer›   Newest»
Anonymous said...

I like laser eyes!

Anonymous said...

How old were you in that photo? 13? Looks like your college face (sans college hairdo), plopped on top of a prepubscent frame...with interestingly *large* mitts. ;)

Anonymous said...

Love the butt-cut!!!

And I always love me some mullet juice!! Thanks for this one. I feel so hopeful about my day now! Whew!
xoxo

Vaniqua

Pete said...

Comedy gold! And I recognize you!!

carymc said...

1980, baby. Some of us kept the 70's 'do long after we should've.

John said...

I graduated from high school in 1980. We did not know how precious the 70s were until we look back. This had me laughing.

Tyler @ Building Camelot said...

These are awesome. Where in the world did you find these? And how many more bad one's got away.

This really made me laugh!

Anonymous said...

they look fine to me...i've seen worse...thank goodness for wholesome family love

Shawn said...

Wonderful, absolutely wonderful! My family has several photos with these backdrops --- I see them every Xmas!

Thanks so much for posting these!

Janizzary said...

"Gorgotha" and "The Damned" had me wailing :D

Anonymous said...

i actually find many of these photos moving. love the crazy family one and the goth family one and the chihuahua woman.

I find myself wishing I knew some of these people.

Anonymous said...

The best laugh all week. Thanks for the post.

Anonymous said...

I don't know which was better - the photos or the comments!! The sad part is that I wore some of that God-Awful 70's fashion. Oh well, at least I can laugh about it.

Anonymous said...

OMG! I laughed my a** off. Absolutely hilarious. Thank you for posting these.

AJ said...

Those Pearl Vision kids look like the creepy kids from that John Wyndham Book.....

Brash and Sassy said...

HA! BRILLIANT!!

Anonymous said...

Brilliant eyes. I like it coz I have the same.

Me said...

I wonder what people are going to say about the way we look and dress in 30 years...

SelectorX said...

This is absolutely brilliant. Loved the captions.

Anonymous said...

Anyone notice that the woman in the red sweater (aka "Grapefruit smuggler") and the "chihuahua woman" are the same woman, red sweater being a later photo?

Melissa Maples said...

Oh my god these are hilarious... I laughed all the way through.

prelude619 said...

OMG that was funny!!

Ibod Catooga said...

I've had anal sex with everyone in these photos.

Yes, even the cat.

Anonymous said...

Our family has an uber-70s photo like these. I've got a bowl cut 'do and am wearing a plaid shirt with butterfly collar. Dad's in a denim shirt with thick rimmed glasses. Mom all in paisley with a frilly black collar. Gold chains a-plenty. We loved it so much we actually had a _painting_ made of it.

Awesome.

Leofan7 said...

God, this was funny. I dugg it!

Anonymous said...

"B52s, the early years" is a band known as "The Trailer Park Troubadours."

They can be found at www.unhitched.com

That is exactly the look they were trying for in that picture.

kristofer said...

Dunno about anyone else, but I think I'd be rather pissed if I found my old pictures on a site and people making fun of them... lawsuit maybe? especially considering Olan Mills pictures are copyrighted

Anonymous said...

These? Oh, these are tears of joy. Thanks for making me laugh til I peed.

fotokew said...

i want to take pictures like that!! LOLOLOL love the southern baptists!

Chandra said...

Ha! The last photo? The laser eyes girl? She's The Pioneer Woman, of Confessions of a Pioneer Woman Blog fame! She's the only one I recognize, thank goodness.

Pioneer Woman

Bob Fowler said...

"B-52's, the early years" is the band Antsy McClain and the Trailer Park Troubadours, a VERY good, yet somewhat twisted, group. Check the out at www.unhitched.com.

Shanna Lynn Diephuis said...

This has made my day.

Jayson Barclay said...

This was the funniest thing I've ever seen. At first I felt bad for these poor families, hopelessly trapped in bad pictures like they were enemies of Superman. But after about two seconds, I decided that it was very funny to laugh at these people, especially the ones who thought they were cool, but were proven by history to be quite lame instead. these pictures make me feel better about myself.

Anonymous said...

Love it!

carymc said...

Ibod Catooga: Wow, that's impressive. All at once, or spread out over a few days?

kristofer: Relax, dude. I'm in one of those pics myself. It's all in good fun. Besides, I think OM has bigger worries than copyright protection. Like how to take better photos.

Anonymous said...

Fred the cat's picture wasn't really taken at olan mills; it was in my office. I thought it looked like an olan mills portrait, so I tagged it. But we're all happy that it looked good enough to make the list.

Cosmo said...

I think I went to high school in Minnesota with "Drake" from photo #3. Thanks for the trip down Amnesia Lane.

BillW said...

OMG!!! These were great. I was howling the whole time. Thank you for a great laugh.

carymc said...

Many thanks to everyone for the nice comments.

Baroness said...

I work in a portrait studio myself and feel that there are many portraits that I COULD send in to you that are this funny, but at the same time, that would be illegal. People still look like this in photos from time to time, believe me. I just wish I could keep all the photos of people I took with their eyes half-shut. Now those are funny. And these days, with the fastest cameras ever, they're a dime a dozen. Interestingly, that kid wrapped in the American flag, my company would not allow that to be printed, on account of the fact that it's unpatriotic. Flag can't touch the ground. How's that for a sense of humor?

kinsey said...

i don't know you, but i love you for posting this. hilarious. i'm pretty sure i had a picture taken with my siblings in front of the library backdrop circa 1985.

not_on_display said...

The dude in the first picture is most likely R. Stevie Moore, underground cult music hero.

See these two pictures:
http://www.rsteviemoore.com/img1/gary77.jpg
http://www.rsteviemoore.com/img1/gary77b.jpg

OldHorsetailSnake said...

You must be well-fixed for Brut Cologne, given all the glasses.

Nice layout of pix, Bub.

wadd said...

thats too much i cant take it
where is my wolf shirt

Anonymous said...

These pictures look like the huge cork board wall of photos from my husband's house growing up. And to think, I went out with him again after seeing that wall on our first date! (the fact that the pictures were on a "cork board" wall was the first tip-off of their quality) I saw a lot of "better picture" potential in him!

Celtoid said...

I used to work for Olan Mills....this isn't the half of it! Seems totally archaic now, but back in the days before color photography, we would have to hand color each picture! You got to know these faces purty well.... (grin)

Spinning Girl said...

Such great entertainment. Thank you!!!

Anonymous said...

Budget meeting with the slaves is gold. GOLD!

Rosie said...

Oh my God is that last one really Pioneer Woman?! It looks just like her! I love it!

Zo said...

Hahaha brilliant!

Jess said...

Now that the tears of laughter have been wiped from my eyes I gotta ask "are we related?" LOL

Of course who of us who grew up in the 70's didn't have that bowl over the head look courtesy of mom (becoming a mom does not automatically mean one suddenly becomes a talented hairdresser!).

That was one of the funniest things I've seen in awhile. I can laugh because I am one of millions, like you, who possess photos not unlike these.

Loved 'em!!

Jess

Thomas said...

Hilarious!

Anonymous said...

What a great laugh to start '08! Knowing some "Olan Mills" of our family are hiding somewhere makes it even more hysterical. Thanks for the smiles.

Anonymous said...

You don't need a Hair-Cuttery to get a Dorothy Hamill. Scotch tape across the forhead will do just fine. Got a few of these photos with my turleneck and striped slacks on!

Kim Calakoutis said...

Wow! I am going to have to look at this again and again! Probably the highlight of my day!

Shannon @ Gabi's World said...

This was hilarious! The oregon trail one and the dead carcass ones had me laughing out loud!

brizzwizz said...

Does NO ONE think the one with the two guys with their shirts off is the weirdest freaking photo in the universe????? JESUS CRISTO! What the hell is going on there?

Anonymous said...

I saw these first on another site, that stole them from you, as they tend to do, and I must say, they are 100 times funnier on your site! I'm glad someone commented on that site and led me here! Nicely done!

Anonymous said...

Jeez--I also had a Dorothy Hamill hair cut! I had it when I took my senior class pictures. HA!

Harris said...

Holy crap - this just made my day.

rock on,

aitch

carymc said...

Thanks, everyone. I'm flattered and honored by all the nice comments.

Thank you!

Anonymous said...

These were just priceless. Thanks for posting them, I just about peed myself laughing.

Anonymous said...

Ah yes. The smell of Brut and English Leather. Soap on a Rope anyone. The Camaro comment killed me.

Anonymous said...

Yes, I think I have half of these pictures in storage somewhere. I had the fear that as I went through the pictures I would run into one of mine!!!!!

Pebbles said...

I was so worried that as I scrolled down I was going to see one of my old photos! ha ha

carymc said...

I think most of us can relate to these... that's what made it fun for me. I could fill an entire post of godawful shots of me and my sisters, and you'd never stop laughing. But I'd be a dead man. My big sis would have my head on a plate.

scottishlass said...

So what's the problem with these pictures?
High School class of 1971.
'Those were the days my friends'

carymc said...

No idea. I think they're great.

Anonymous said...

Damn....that one that got removed was a good one too!! I saw it early today...lighten up, people....lol!

Anonymous said...

LOL, wow, now I remember my visits to the Bellevue, WA location. From waaay back in 1982, when I was 7...

Carl said...

This was so funny I had to put a link to it on my blog.

Stan Cook said...

the picture with Gorgotha was classic. I saw it last week and laughed for 10 minutes straight. Too bad you had to take it off. Did Gorgotha herself object?

Suzy said...

This was the best time I have had in weeks.

I am sorry you had to edit some of your photos and comments! The Baptist Convention comment yesterday was side-splitting, and now it is merely hilarious.

I gave you a linky-dink, too. pauleverettrickard.blogspot.com

carymc said...

Thanks, all.

@Stan: Yes. And I suppose I cannot blame her.

@Suzy: I changed that caption myself, thinking the new one was funnier.. (?)

J Morgetron said...

I want GORGOTHA!

BRING BACK GORGOTHA!!!

Pangloss said...

I can't get over how funny the family day at the asylum photo is. Those folks have quite a sense of humor!

ALLAN HENDRICKS said...

HA!
Camaro Guy is HOT!

Anonymous said...

Gotta LOVE the 70's ... I had helmet hair too! (least I had hair then!!!)

Made me laugh - thanks!

Anonymous said...

Hysterical! We have a few photos from Olan Mills, but I don't think ours this bad, well maybe I should run and check! LOL! TFS! :)

MulletMama said...

Mmmmmm....I loves me some mullet! lmfao

Bil Browning said...

I loved the post and linked to you from my site too. :)

The Southern Baptist one was my fave - and I love the new caption you gave it. We had a "caption this" contest with the pic. The best caption?

"Winners of the Log Cabin Republicans vacation package!"

Anonymous said...

Just found your HILARIOUS pictures through RICK AND BUBBA'S national radio show! I am now laughing AND crying at the same time. We've all got those wonderful pics and I'm going home at get mine out and have a few more laughs!! Thanks...

Tink said...

Oh God, that made me cry. BRILLIANT stuff. If I get caught and fired for laughing so loud, it'll be worth it.

carymc said...

Thanks, all. I truly appreciate the kind words.

Keep coming back!

Cookie said...

These made me laugh so hard. I love "The Damned".

carymc said...

@suzy.. thanks for the link!

@j morgetron... Gorgotha was reburied, sorry.

@bil browning... love it! much funnier than mine.

@tink.. if you get fired for laughing, it's time for a new job anyway! =)

cheers

ha! said...

not a clown car. :D

Anonymous said...

Backdrop #4... that is an animal carcass. She skinned it and is sitting on the fur.

tAnYeTTa said...

HILARIOUS!!!!!!!! THIS SITE IS A WORK OF PURE BRILLIANCE!

I'M DATING MYSELF, LET ME LEAVE THE ROOM RIGHT NOW :) LOL

tamaraabfab said...

OMG - is picture #3 TONY ROMO
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA Looks like him

chosha said...

My dad's leisure suit was pale powder blue...wooeee! The photos were good, but the comments were even better.

A Boy In Love with Camaro Guy said...

I NEED Camaro guy in my bed NOW!! (wait, i mean, the way he looked back then.... hahaha).

Bo said...

I don't really get what's so funny about these pics.

- fan of "That 70s Show"

YTK said...

Hysterical.

Rachel said...

"The 70s really were that yellow."

We have 6 albums to attest to that!

Anonymous said...

brizzwizz, I'm with you. That pic of the shirtless guys is very messed up IMO. NO clue who in the vacinity thought that was a good idea at the time. Very confusing to me. But amusing.

And All the others...HILLARIOUS! hahaha Great stuff!! HOPE to see more soon!!!

Anonymous said...

The picture this guy has on his blog in this link should also be on this list...

Cool Guy

Anonymous said...

Am i the only one who has THREE family pictures that match some of the ones in this blog?

I have the olan mills wagon wheel, the orangey/yellow seventies one, and the library. we were cool.

Katie82 said...

This was hysterical--thank you. I graduated in 82 and remember all of these looks. There needs to be the classic one of the chin resting on folded hands.

Anonymous said...

OMG! We were in the library in 1984! I think I graduated with some of these people.

Anonymous said...

MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Your comments are GENIUS. I just peed my pants!!!!!!!! Thank you!! :)

The Moose said...

These were great!

dragonflylizzy said...

A-PLUS HUMOR!!!

Thanks for giving me a great start to my day lolololol

Anonymous said...

You are friggin' hilarious!

Anonymous said...

These are awesome, I have a few pics like these hahaha
This is a great way to look down memory lane.

Anonymous said...

Okay, I just scraped myself off the floor - after having laughed so hard I rolled off my chair. You must be a writer on strike. Hilarious!

Anonymous said...

Good Gosh - helmet hair is making my tummy hurt from laughing so hard. hehe Love it! I'm a 75er and I have some of these myself. Dagnabit!

Anonymous said...

Good Gosh - helmet hair is making my tummy hurt from laughing so hard. hehe Love it! I'm a 75er and I have some of these myself. Dagnabit!

Mark said...

Speaking as a pro photographer, some of these are truly cringe worthy.

Heather said...

If you look carefully at the picture of "The Damned" you'll see "Lance" in the lower left hand corner. I LOLed when I saw that!

Jaime said...

I haven't laughed this hard in a very long time. Thanks.

carymc said...

Thanks for the comments, everyone. I appreciate the kind words.

Therapeutic Ramblings said...

This made me crack up earlier in the day. Thanks for the link!