Tuesday, January 8, 2008

America's 20 Worst Foods

Even I wouldn't eat most of this stuff.. and that's saying something. From Men's Health and LOTD peg boy, TheMovieGuru.

Worst Fast-Food Chicken Meal
McDonald's 5-pc Chicken Selects Premium Breast Strips with cream ranch sauce.
830 Calories, 55 grams fat ( 4.5 trans fat), 48 carbs.
Add a large fries and regular soda and this seemingly innocuous chicken meal tops out at 1,710 calories. (Pass. McD's gives me the squirts. TMI?)

Worst drink
Jamba Juice Chocolate Moo'd Power Smoothie (30 fl oz).
900 calories, 10 g fat, 183 carbs, 166 g sugar.
Jamba Juice calls it a smoothie, but MSNBC calls it a milk shake. (Funny, cuz I call MSNBC a milk shake.) The beverage contains as much sugar as 8 pints of Ben & Jerry's butter pecan ice cream. (Well that's an easy choice. Pass the B & J!)

Worst supermarket meal
Pepperidge Farm Roasted Chicken Pot Pie (whole pie)
1,020 calories, 64 g fat, 86 g carbs.
Label may say this pie serves two (Ethiopians), but, who ever divided a small pot pie in half? (Uh..not me. I could eat this fucker in two bites, easy.) Once you crack the crust, there will be no stopping.

Worst "healthy" burger
Ruby Tuesday Bella Turkey Burger.
1,145 calories, 71 g fat, 56 g carbs.
(I once took a high school date to Ruby Tuesday in my fine Plymouth Duster. We had real burgers. There were no "healthy" burgers back then. Then we saw a movie; I don't remember which one. Arthur 2 or something, probably. Then I drove her home, and we were gonna make out, but I noticed she had two white zits on her chin, which grossed me out, so I told her goodnight and sped off into the night. Of course, I probably had some zits of my own, but you know how guys are.)

Worst Mexican entree Amputated Leg
Chipotle Mexican Grill Chicken Burrito.
1,179 calories, 47 g fat, 125 g carbs, 2,656 mg sodium

Worst kids' meal
Macaroni Grill Double Macaroni 'n' Cheese.
1,210 calories, 62 g fat, 3,450 mg sodium. It's like feeding your kid 1 1/2 boxes of Kraft mac 'n' cheese. (Wouldn't be the first time.)

Worst sandwich
Quizno's Classic Italian (large)
1,528 calories, 92 g fat, 4,604 mg sodium, 110 g carbs. A large homemade sandwich would more likely have provided about 500 calories. (A homemade sandwich would more likely have been on two dried-up end pieces of Publix wheat bread and sliced turkey that had already started to turn.)

Worst salad
On the Border Grande Taco Salad with Taco Beef
1,450 calories, 102 g fat, 78 g carbs, 2,410 mg sodium.
This isn't an anomaly: Five different On the Border salads on the menu contain more than 1,100 calories each. (But after nine Coronas, you won't give a shit.)

Worst burger
Carl's Jr. Double Six Dollar Burger.
1,520 calories, 111g fat.
Carl's Jr. brags on this enormous sandwich, but the restaurant chain also provides convenient nutrition info on its Web site -- so ignorance is no excuse for eating it. (Who orders this? Popeye?)

Worst steak
Lonestar 20 oz T-bone
1,540 calories, 124g fat.
Add a baked potato and Lonestar's Signature Lettuce Wedge, and this is a 2,700 calorie blowout. (And a damn fine meal.)

Worst breakfast
Bob Evans Caramel Banana Pecan Cream Stacked and Stuffed hotcakes.
1,540 calories, 77 g fat (9 g trans fat), 198 g carbs, 109 g sugar.
Five Egg McMuffins yield the same caloric cost as this stack of sugar-stuffed flapjacks, which is truly a heavy breakfast, weighing in at a hefty pound and a half. (Tell 'em Elvis sent ya.)

Worst dessert
Chili's Chocolate Chip Paradise Pie with Vanilla Ice Cream.
1,600 calories, 78 g fat, 215 g carbs.
Would you eat a Big Mac for dessert? (No. McD's gives me the squirts.) How about three? (Squirt, squirt, squirt.) That's the calorie equivalent of this decadent dish. Clearly, Chili's customers get their money's worth. (Which is what they deserve for a meal that costs $7.99 with tax and tip)

Worst Chinese entree
P.F. Chang's Pork Lo Mein
1,820 calories, 127 g fat, 95 g carbs
The fat content in this dish alone provides more than 1,100 calories. And you'd have to eat almost five servings of pasta to match the number of carbs it contains. Now, do you really need five servings of pasta? (Depends on your definition of "need.")

Worst chicken entree
Chili's Honey Chipotle Crispers with Chipotle Sauce
2,040 calories, 99 g fat, 240 g carbs (and 1 redundant use of "chipotle")
"Crispers" refers to an extra thick layer of bread crumbs that soak up oil and adds unnecessary calories and carbs to these glorified chicken strips. (Mmmmm.)

Worst fish entree
On The Border Dos XX Fish Tacos with Rice and Beans
2,100 calories, 130 g fat, 169 g carbs, 4,700 mg sodium
Perhaps the most misleadingly named dish in America : A dozen crunchy tacos from Taco Bell will saddle you with fewer calories. (And saddle you on the crapper for about an hour.)

Worst pizza
Uno Chicago Grill Chicago Classic Deep Dish Pizza
2,310 calories, 162 g fat, 123 g carbs, 4,470 mg sodium. (And one redundant use of "Chicago")
Downing this "personal" pizza is equivalent to eating 18 slices of Domino's Crunchy Thin Crust cheese pizza. (And...?)

Worst pasta
Macaroni Grill Spaghetti and Meatballs with Meat Sauce
2,430 calories, 128 g fat, 207 g carbs, 5,290 mg sodium
This meal satisfied your calorie requirements for an entire day. (Sounds like an efficient choice then.)

Worst nachos
On The Border Stacked Border Nachos
2,740 calories, 166 g fat, 191 g carbs, 5,280 sodium.
(There are no bad nachos.)

Worst starter

Chili's Awesome Blossom
2,710 calories, 203 g fat, 194 g carbs, 6,360 mg sodium.
(These things look and taste so good when they come out hot, and look and taste so awful five minutes later when they get cold.)

The worst overall food in America
Outback Steakhouse Aussie Cheese Fries with Ranch Dressing
2,900 calories, 182 g fat, 240 g carbs.
Even if you split these "starters" with three friends, you'll have downed a dinner's worth of calories before you entree arrives. (I don't know three people who would eat these.)


  1. Thanks for the reminder that I need to eat healthier. Your vivid portrayal of these foods was enough incentive to keep that time set aside to go for a swim.

    By the way, McD's food does the same thing to me!

  2. Glad to help, Ellen. Anything for my readers.

    I recently read that McDonald's is the world's largest buyer of cow penis, so if they ever come out with a McDog, don't eat it (unless of course cow penis sounds good to you).

  3. Here in Califronia, there's a proposal in the state legistature to have all chain restaurants -- not just fast food -- post nutritional information next on their menus. It would be interesting to see if people would change their eating habits if this passes.


  4. ha

    McDonald's: 46g of cow penis, 675% of your daily allowance of animal 'nad.

  5. Oh sure...as I sit here choking down my dry turkey breast and garden salad.

    Dry Turkey Breast & Garden Salad
    -37 calories, .05 grams fat, 0.01 Carbs.

    A delightful little salad with 3 dainty (read: minuscule) shreds of only the best white meat turkey breast (try choking THIS stuff down without dressing), fresh crisp leaves of Butter Crunch and Red Butter Crunch lettuce (butter is a freakin' lie! there's not a drop of butter in this shit), fun and sassy leaves of scrumptious endive, escarole and last but not least, playful shards of burgundy radicchio (more bitter shit you will never taste!) To top off this wondrous green masterpiece are 3 sprays of flavorful but mysterious Italian Illusion salad spray. (It can't be called dressing, it's too damned LOW in calories! And how do they make a 1 calorie spray ...what's in it that makes it taste like Italian dressing that only has 1 calorie per spray? On second thought, I don't wanna know!)

    Ginni, living in the real world

  6. G - Italian Illusion? There's a joke there somewhere.

    Salad does nothing for me except leave crap in my teeth. I got sick of it quickly when I did Weight Watchers.

    Bless your heart.

  7. That Spaghetti and Meatballs looks mighty fine right now! I don't have any damn time to count calories! Great post!

  8. Cow penis?? Hmm..is that the McRib that i've been eating all of these years? If so, what the heck is in the sauce?

  9. @Mickey - thanks

    @Keva - I imagine there's a little bit o' cow-schlong in everything McD's serves.

  10. Wow, you just did wonders for my diet! I don't think I'll ever eat McD's again!

    Now if you could just do the same for chocolate chip cookies?

    Thanks :) :)

  11. "squirt squirt squirt" Seriously, that made me laugh so hard!

    The beef at McDonalds is more vile than their "chicken," which is why I always order the square fish.

    Oh, and that Carl's Jr. burger image made me gag.

  12. This makes me so happy that I married a Chef.

  13. I have heard -- unconfirmed -- that the square fish (ha!) sandwich is the worst of all McD's offerings.. more calories, fat, etc. Must be that slice of government cheese they put on top. Who puts cheese on fish? The cup of tartar sauce can't help, either.

    thx for the comments, peeps! =)

  14. Go Veg! (but not w/the "Awesome" Blossom.)

    Thanks for the nice pictures and descriptions of truly disgusting food! Funny ;-)

  15. Amazing! Thanks for sharing :)

    By the way, I always have the Chili's Choco. Chip Paradise with ice cream!!!

  16. That mac-n-cheese looks dee-fucking-licious!!!

  17. For your Southern readers, that Carl's Jr monstrosity is the same thing as the Hardee's version.

  18. Thx for the comments, folks.

    Rachel - you're right. Didn't think of that. Thanks for the info.

  19. Oh man...I so want that giant double burger. I could never finish it all, but I love a good burger. It is food like that that make me say screw it, you wouldn't drive a car without a spare tire, so I should have one with me at all times!

  20. T-Dude.. HA! You make a good point.

    Is Carl's the place that has a burger called the "Double-double"? Because I had one of those in San Diego years ago, and it was a religious experience. I need another one, and soon.

  21. I'm a first time visitor, most of that stuff with the exception of Quiznos and McD is not available in Canada anyway so gee whiz, I'm out of luck. Seriously though, we have the most healthy Mediterranean diet around here but must confess to "needing" a Big Mac once every three months or so. I can't fight it so I don't stress it...ciao

  22. What's 275 "g" mean? For Pete's sake, this is America. Give us our fat content in ounces. We'll probably still eat it, but at least we'll know what we're doing.

    I'm quite convinced that the metric system is a conspiracy to keep Americans in the dark about the most basic things. For example, I had no idea that the 1.8 liter engine in the car I bought was smaller than the motor in my food processor.

    This must stop. You can help.

  23. HA! Good point, Craig. Even poor drug dealers are stuck with the metric system.... 30 grams of cocaine.. etc.

    The worst part is that we're half-assed about it. Some use metric, some don't, so everything has to be listed twice, as both grams and ounces. Two of everything. PC and Mac. HDTV and Blu-Ray. We can't make up our minds about anything. It's annoying.

  24. holy shit. Thanks for that list - it was horrific and entertaining at the same time!!!

  25. I feel sick just looking at those monsters, eating them would certainly be a step too far!

  26. Garth - I say the same thing when I watch The Golden Girls.

  27. I eat out fairly often, and sometimes at the places mentioned here. I can't remember the last time I actually finished a dish at any of these places (except vegetable red curry from the Thai place down the street. Mmm, Thai food!), and the dessert always gets split between several people.

    My question to the restaurants is, why the humongous portions?

  28. Oh my God... no wonder I'm not losing weight! Seriously, though. Thanks for the wake up call. :)

  29. I just ate lunch, but after reading this, I'm hungry again!


  30. Cary MC-

    The Double-Double Belongs to IN-N-Out which is a smaller chain of restaurants built around a 50s carhop idea.

    Order it animal style (works) with a small fry and chocolate shake.

    buy 5, and your first cardiac cath is 10% off!

  31. Does your Ruby Tuesday counting include the fries, bread, condiments?

  32. The figures are from Men's Health, not me, and they don't say.


  33. "I recently read that McDonald's is the world's largest buyer of cow penis, so if they ever come out with a McDog, don't eat it."

    McDick would sound much more musical!


  34. In and Out Burger makes the double double and I agree, It is pretty tasty.

  35. these foods are good, but they rack up so many damn calories. It's not even funny.

  36. I don't believe some of these calorie counts. Are you making them up? Specifically, a Chipotle burrito that I know has a spoonful of grilled chicken breast, a spoonful of beans, a spoonful of cooked rice and a spoonful of salsa even when sprinkled with shredded chees, does not have over 2000 calories. BS like this makes me question all your other figures.

    1. A spoonful of chicken prepared in seasoned water vs seasoned olive oil? Can be a huge difference in Caloric count.

      The figures are generally from the Corporations websites themselves..


  37. From.

    Read more. Comment less.

  38. Drool..

    Eating healthy will not make you live longer..

    It is just that time seems to move more slowly when you are not having any fun?

    Eat a diversity of food.

    Enjoy it all.

    Course all the food places will go out of business with out regular customers, but alas that is happening anyway?

    Eat drink and be merry for tomorrow we may die.



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